Self esteem
Find a Conversation
Self esteem
| Tue, 05-16-2006 - 12:03am |
I know a few friends of mine and myself don't date much. They all say you are such a nice, great, attractive girl to me and my friends. Just so you know I am in a relationship cause I felt strong enough to take the risk unlike some of my friends. I like to be social and care for others cause it's my duty on earth. Yet how can you deal with everything if you don't feel good about yourself? Your attitude/self esteem/ambitions determine how far you go in life. I do not want to win the world's approval or please my parents. I just want to feel good about where I'm going in life and take care of myself. It seems everyone wants something from you and you can't meet their expectations. Thinking I am supposed to fill my role as a wife and mother and I'm 32 now and it hasn't happened yet? Why? What laws of nature has to occur am I just a late bloomer/immature? Jesus what path do I walk? I'm not saying I'm not taking responsibility for my life, but I wait. Yes wait is this right? It seems those with good self-esteem are the ones that date, get married, and have kids. Wow. Does that equal success, love, money? I wonder what that's like? :( I know there is not an instant cure for low self-esteem, but how do you get out of a rut? I pray for direction every day hoping that I'm not 40 and still living at home or on the street. I feel I am intelligent enough it's just the world makes it hard for everyone. Damn republicans! lol -Dawn

Dawn...
PG is going to ignore your comment about the Republicans, simply because many members of the other political parties can be just as moronic!
Instead....let's cut to the chase!
What do YOU honestly want out of life? A husband and children? A career? A new car? A winning lottery ticket? An opportunity to go on vacation indefinitely? BE HONEST!
I read your profile and you sound like a terrific lady to me? Your biggest issues seem to be that your first marriage didn't "come together" (quoting the Beatles tune) the way you hoped it would....and the fact that you want more out of life than to be 'a Walmart cashier?'
Please consider this...
There are successful single women who have somehow managed to escape marriage and a house full of rugrats...AND THEY'RE HAPPY! There are successful married women who are ALSO HAPPY having the entire package! Then there are those women who feel that they aren't living up to their potential or connecting with life at all?
?
"Direction and purpose" are two desires many of us have, but aren't always able to discover! Maybe it's because many of us are afraid (or neglect) to 'network ourselves' enough---in order to make the dreams within us---happen? So perhaps "a little more networking" is something you might want to consider?
If you feel that your 'self-esteem' is the problem....ask yourself: "WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?" Don't base your answer on the behavior or habits of friends and family...or making a comparison to other women your age? Situations involving friends and family are often just as complicated as yours!
Here's another suggestion: Take a few risks!
Everything that you attempt won't necessarily be successful, but you'll probably learn a few new surprises about yourself along with your personality? And the more you know ABOUT YOU...the easier it'll be to seek out a companion who wants to KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU TOO?
Good Luck!
Pianoguy
Have you thought of talking to a psychologist about this? I was in a similar rut myself for the longest time, still living at home at the age of 28 and working at a low-paying job that was also really stressful and that I hated doing. I was trying to complete my Master's project which was supposed to take me one semester, but instead took me four years because I couldn't get myself to work on it as much as I wanted, and meanwhile I was afraid to move forward with the rest of my life, and was feeling terrible about it. Seeing a psychologist really helped me, and I just know got my research project completed and am beginning to look for a much more serious job. In my case, my parents were willing to help me pay for the psychologist. But if you think you will have a problem paying, I just heard that hospitals offer really good sliding scale fee rates for people who can't afford it. Every residential zone has a certain hospital that has to cover people who live there. If you call Lifeline, they should be able to tell you more about it.
One other thing I read that you may want to keep in mind when working on your self-esteem is that it's important to make sure you don't make your love for yourself contigent on how well you are doing. A common mistake that a lot of people make when trying to work on their self-esteem is that they build their self-esteem up by focusing on their accomplishments. The problem with doing that is that then when you go through a period where things become more difficult, you start to view yourself as worthless when you're no longer accomplishing as much, because your entire sense of self has become tied up in how well you are doing. It also makes you more prone to procastinating and avoiding things, because when you confront them, you run the risk of failing and then feeling completely worthless. You just have to keep reminding yourself to love yourself unconditionally as you would your friends and family. When you're failing, don't think you are a bad person because of it, and when you are doing well in life, don't think that it is those accomplishments which are making you a good person.
Also, don't berate yourself too much for not having the relationship you want at this point in your life. A lot of the time, when you find the right person is really just a matter of good or bad luck, as much as anything. Plus, you don't know how many of those married women are truly happy. I think that for every 32-year-old woman who is still single because her low self-esteem is making it difficult for her to meet somebody, there is another 32-year-old woman who is staying with a guy who is really wrong for her just because she doesn't have enough self-esteem to leave the relationship and be by herself. You are trying your best, and that is all you can do at this point. In a few years, you may be happily married, and many of these women may be divorced or still unhappy in their marriages. You shouldn't compare your situation to what the rest of the world is doing because you never know what is really, truly happening with everybody else, and you never know how things are going to turn out for you.