self-generated jealousy/ keep comparing

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
self-generated jealousy/ keep comparing
1
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 12:34am
I say "self generated" because this jealousy has got nothing to do with what my boyfriend has done. its just inside my head and I think i am having a serious problem coping with it!

The story is this. me and my boyfriend are having a long distance relationship. he has been the perfect boyfriend, i love him so much, he has not met my mates yet, but he is visiting in a few months time, when he will see my mates. the problem is, I keep comparing myself to all these women around me. In EVERY aspect. I dont know why I am doing this but I cannot help it. There is a voice inside me that tells me that I have to be better than all these women and that I want to be better than them. I know this is silly because nobody is perfect and that I just have to be myself and enjoy the relationship. I know all that but I just cannot stop comparing.

The most serious problem is, I dont want my bf to meet my male friends' girlfriends whenever I think there is a slight chance that those girls might be the type of girls my boyfriend likes and that there is a slight chance that they might be prettier than me. I think I am having a major self esteem problem! Even the way those girls dress, if i think that they wear clothes that my boyfriend would like a girl to wear I develop this resentment on those girls. God, I hate myself for being like this, but this has been troubling me for a month already and its really killing me. I cannot tell anyone because this is too silly.

deep down I guess the reason for my problem is that I want to be perfect, I want to be better looking than every other girl so my boyfriend will like only me, and that i hate it when girls are prettier and better than me. I get jealous for no reason, I am so insecure. Even though somtimes I know that I am better looking than some of my girl mates, when they dress up and get pretty, I will get all jealous and competitive. And I wouldnt want my boyfriend to see them!

I just cannot be myself. I want my happy confident self back. I want to stop comparing myself to others, stop wanting to be perfect.

Please please please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 8:44am
Have you ever been in a long distance relationship before? If not--maybe thats the culprit. Maybe a LDR is not for you--no matter how good it seems.