Selfish and stringing along
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| Sat, 09-02-2006 - 12:51pm |
I am a single mom and have been for 9 years. I am only 39 and the past 6 years I have invested with a man I thought I loved and who loved me. I have always know he was very selfish and self-absorbed, but love is blind and I chose to ignore that he looked in the mirror more than me! My ex-husband left me and our 3 toddler children 9 years ago. I met the new man 3 years later and he has always known of my children. Over the past 6 years we have broken up 3x for all of 1 week. His excuse is he doesn't want a family again, his children are young adults. I beg, plead and humiliate myself for him to come back....anyhow not this time. He built a new home this spring and since his moving in, he apparently wants a separate life? We never lived together, I wouldn't let that occur with young children in my home....I am just hurting right now and wanted to vent. My problem is now that I have had 2 long term relationships and both were able to just walk out with no thought of how it effects everyone else, I am losing faith in men. I am young, attractive, successful in my career and a great single parent. Where can I find someone that sees that, appreciates it and wants to be part of it. My biggest problem is I am very loyal to anyone I fall in love with and accepts their faults no matter what?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how heart-wrenching it can be.
I'm wondering... could it be the men you're allowing yourself to get involved with? We usually know from the start whether or not someone is right for us but many times, we choose to ignore our gut instincts. Sounds to me that you tried doing that here. And there's nothing wrong with it, I think you should just take a look at the pattern so you can correct it.
My brother always has told me that the common denominator in every equation of my life is me. So what are you allowing to go on and how are you trying to make things work when you should really let go?
I hope this helps. Feel free to come here and vent anytime you need to...
People that love you and respect you don't need you to beg, humiliate and plead for them to come back. This man has probably been very honest with you and you have chosen not to hear him. He said he didn't want young children, why didn't you believe him?
A mature adult does not accept people's faults no matter what. They evaluate whether a person will fit with their life, their goals and objectives. If they don't, they move on.
Dating involves a lot of work. Love is important but just one piece of the puzzle. Cherish the time you had with this man and look to the future in finding someone that will accept you, your kids and your life the way it is.
Good luck.
My point is you don't let something go on for 6 years. He knew about my children from day one, he also would make empty promises. It is my fault for thinking he would change his mind.
Thanks for the adice.
Hi
I feel for you. I know this is difficult and hurtful but it sounds like he told you upfront he doesn't want a new family. The thing here is to know where a guy is at from the beginning and take him at his word and not try to change him. Because that is impossible. A person can only change if that is what he/she is motivated to do.
So while it's painful it sounds like you should let go, mourn, learn from it and when you're ready move on to someone who has the same goals and outlook as you.