sell-by date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
sell-by date?
5
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:43am

My twenties were a series of relationships with men, and I never met the man I wanted to settle down with.

I met the man I thought was my future husband when I was 30, but it didn't work out (a very bad man), I moved cross country and spent the years of 32 - 35 in a depression about the loss of the relationship and his lies and betrayals.

So I just turned 36, and it is as if I woke up. I have spent a significant part of my 30s either pursuing a destructive relationship or pining over it, and in moving away from the relationship I have since not had a stable career or friendships. I am still in touch with my dear friends from home, but I feel still isolated and defeated, and I have started to feel that I have wasted the most important years of my life. I am the only single woman my age that I know. I had assumed that I would get married long ago, and now I see that there aren't a lot of options for me.

The ex, by the way, has recently married a near teenager.

I look online to see what kind of men I could possibly meet, but nobody my age is looking for a woman who is 36. They all want someone from the age 20 - 30 range. I don't have wrinkles, I don't look old for my age or even my age at all, but I still feel as if I have lost all hope and possibility that I will ever find love, much less be married and have children, which is really what I want more than anything in the world. Forget about the fact that I temp in a spirit numbing corporate job.

Depressing? Yeah. I hate it, and I hate to talk about it, because I know that it is not only pathetic and depressing to me but to the people around me. I am so stuck in all of this that I can't see my way out, and I can't see that there is any hope for me to ever be happy again. I don't know what to do; I feel as if I am the only one in the world who has lost a significant amount of time, and I feel as if my time for love has run out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: serah99
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 9:55am
Not sure which online dating sites you're looking on but when I was in my late 30's I met quite a few men my age and eventually met the man I married through match.com. He was in his early 40's. Past our sell-by dates? Not to one another! I feel like I'm in my prime, maybe b/c this is the happiest I've ever been and has become the best part of my life so far. For me at least, I didn't really "get" a lot of things about life and relationships UNTIL I was in my late 30's and had gone through a lot of bad experiences that thankfully woke me up. I wish you the best. Don't give up or think you're old. My goodness, if you live into your 80's you're just warming up!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: serah99
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:53pm

I would also wonder which site you're on. I am 46 and there are a number of men in their late 30s who come up in my searches who are open to dating a woman their age or older. So I really don't think there's "nobody" your age who is willing to date a 36 year old.

I know plenty of women who have gotten married at your age or older. One good friend met her husband on Match.com and just had her first child at 41. So please don't despair...keeping an optimistic attitude is probably the most important thing you can do.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: serah99
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 8:41pm
Hello serah, welcome to the board!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
In reply to: serah99
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 5:10am
Greetings sereh,
Bellina here sends cheers! Poor gal,you are selling yourself short by thinking you've
aged at 36 of a prime more experienced time in ones life.You by no means are unique in your situation,luv.Many women today,due to dedication to careers are getting married
well in their 30's and beyond.My cousin Maria,a pretty but plump hairdresser met her]
husband on eharmony.com and was nearly 40.This was her choice,as she put her career,need
for material wealth,and shed some weight first,then met her true soulmate,online! I'm also
much more content,careerwise,residing in southwest(originally from England),still single
nearly 40 and don't fret over my single status.Currently seeing a very sweet mid 40 gentleman who's never married,just never found the "right" gal..hoping I'm the one,but we're only dating couple of months.I met him during a tragic time,when I was tending to my departed parents,lost their battles to cancer.I wasn't even looking,when there he was to lighten my overwhelming meloncholy.He was a godsend,as I'd often pray,crying nights,being very spiritual for someone to fill my void(as I shared closeknit bonds with mum and dad).P gave me hope,comfort,made me smile in intense blue emotions.I too felt despair,alone after these 2 blessed people left me.P. lifted my spirits,gives me affections,great company and common interests..feelings of happiness again.In this do hope I've inspired you to believe you're never to old,gosh 36 is still young at heart!
In our grandparents day this was considered oldmaids,but todays medical technology,people are living longer.I'd say your in your prime for mr. right to sweep you off your feet.Watch the upbeat flick Bridget Jones,she's30something and loving her life...You can too! I wish you luck in finding love,it finds you too when you least expect it! Bellina
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
In reply to: serah99
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 11:41pm
Thanks, all. : ) I appreciate all of your feedback and realistic encouragement.