serious candidate or not....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
serious candidate or not....
1
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 9:54am

I am meeting with this guy from work for the first time today, outside of the office environment. He asked me out for lunch. It is pretty clear through our discussions that he is interested in dating/taking things further...but has said upon my hesitation, that there is no hurry, no expectations etc..that we culd always hang out as friends and see where things go.

He seems to be quite into me. He seemed to be saying just the right things. He gives me compliments, really expresses appreciation of the good he sees in my personality and looks. Shows nervousness when he has to come see me face to face. When he shakes my hands, he holds it for a lot longer than necessary. He has been wanting to get together with me for 3 weeks now, and one day said he'd hate for this to be cancelled again, and that he had booked the whole day for me. Then eysterday, after some discussions, he said soemthing like he thinks he has hit the jackpot, and that he is very excited.

How to know, if all this is genuine? How do I know, if he wants just someone to have "fun" with. I am of a different race and he said he has not dated anyone of my background before. Is it possible that it's his curiosity that brings him to me, and not genuine attraction or appreciation? I am confused.

He is a coworker, and I am not sure where my boundaries lie. How far can I go. How much can I trust him. I don't know him much at all. How do I ever know his intentions are innocent and serious, and whether he is a serious candidate for me to consider? He is in his late 20's.

If he makes a physical move on me today, like leaning in for a kiss or holding my hand... or some such thing, should I go with it and stay natural, or keep my distance and tell him we need to just be friends for now.

And how does one discuss casual dating....as in...being able to hang out with other people who interest us. I am only looking for relationships with long term potential, and am trying not to make the wrong moves, or hurt anyone in the process..

I am not yet sure if I am attracted to him. What I do know, is that...I don't mind exploring. His positive words and the friendly, interested vibe I get from him, for me, seem to hv done the trick on me somewhat. But were those words genuine or crafted? :(

Are there any questions I can ask him to know his intentions?

Please advise..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 8:33pm

I read this message and the other one you've posted, and let me tell you that you're interested and waiting on a man who is possibly a player and a man who does not respects you at all. His behavior is not one of a man who is seriously interested in dating you. He says you can "hang out" and that means no strings attached. He wants to casually see you at his own convenience. Hon, this candidate has no material to consider. He's what he's shown you.

Regarding boundaries, I'd set yours really up high, at a profesional level ONLY. No holding hands longer than a normal shake and not talking about personal stuff at work. He's not respecting your time or persona. He didn't call and didn't show up, and he'll have another estupid excuse to give you just to set another date up and be a no show. This was the first date and this the one that counts, at least in my book.