Setup Strategies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
Setup Strategies.
Sat, 04-27-2013 - 5:17pm

The Man and I may have an opportunity to bring together two of our closest friends. We have thought they'd be a "perfect" match for years. However, it took each of them quite a while to disolve their respective harmful and destructive marriages and equally as long to wrap their mind around dating again. Our guy friend had however expressed and interest in the past in at least getting to know our mutual female friend. However, as she is a single mom, she was reluctant, though they know each other fairly well and are fairly comfortable with each other in social situation. Additionally, this guy has, as I like to put it, follow-through issues. He gets excited about the prospect of a new relationship up front, but lacks in his ability to pursue or follow through. In the past, even when he's found someone of interest on his own, he goes out on the date, perhaps a few dates, but then when he needs to take the next step gets sidetracked by work, hobbies and other obligations. For instance, if he promised to have dinner with his brother and the gal of his interest asks him to dinner, he'll back out because he comitted to his brother and then he'll call her again when he has some downtime from work and when he has the time. So, to many ladies this seems like a sign of disinterest. Our friends have already been over to our place together on several occassions and have gotten along famously, but either one or the other was not available for taking the next step...so, now we may have another opportunity to try to bring them together again in a very non-threatening gathering with lots of friends. My question is, I already know that the man is somewhat attracted to this woman because he asked me of her interest in him several years ago. She is slowly but surely coming around and bring his name up more often...good sign. However, other than being careful, cautious and congenial, I know both will try to take it slow. But, between these two, slow means S-L-O-W and it could take centuries (I exaggerate) before either makes the move they need to make to move along. she uses her kids as an excuse and he his work. So, I mentioned to my man that maybe we should help speed things up a bit. If, after several other successful interactions we find that they continue to get along famously and show interest in each other, perhaps WE should take the initiative of sending flowers to her on his behalf (annonymously, perhaps) and sending him a beer basket or something (annonymously) on her behalf....just to keep the interest sparked and spiked because we know they are both into being treated that way, but also know neither will take the time to do it on their own....too consumed by their own lives and obligation. I was even thinking of perhaps sending a cute note to her from him and vice versa to encourage them to keep things moving. Hubby, not sure this is such a good idea. He thinks it's enough to just keep putting them in the same environment since we are friends with both and let nature do the rest. Any suggestions MUCH appreciated.