sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
sex
2
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 7:23pm
How important is sex in a relationship with men? If a woman refuses sex with a man because she wants to wait to get to know him better, is that a deal breaker? If a woman doesn't show affection at the beginning stages is that a deal breaker?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: jens128
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 11:34pm

Sex is important in a relationship. Sex to a man is definitely important. However, a good man will wait. If a man is making you guilty or tries to force you into something you're not ready for, then he's not worth you.


Waiting is fine. Don't doubt your gut and your beliefs. They will guide you correctly.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
In reply to: jens128
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 3:10am

You should always proceed at a pace that's comfortable for you, and hopefully you can talk openly about this with whomever you're involved with. The danger of sleeping with someone too fast is that the relationship might be defined primarily by sex. I recently decided to sleep with someone less than two weeks into it. I don't regret it necessarily (there's nothing wrong with a woman wanting sex, after all), but it did put things on a certain course with us. In the back of my head, I knew there were things about him that would make a long term relationship unlikely, but I was extremely attracted to him and vice versa, so we decided to begin the physical relationship and see where things went. As it turned out, things didn't really go anywhere--it remained a physical relationship and not much else. I became unhappy with this within a month, started to feel attached, and we broke up. Or more accurately, he dumped me.

For me, this was an acceptable risk. The outcome was much more painful than what I'd anticipated, but I take full responsibility, as I knew by sleeping with him so early on this could happen. If on the other hand I saw him as someone very compatible with whom I could share a long term relationship, I'm positive I would have waited longer to sleep with him.

But as to the question of whether sex is important to men and women, most definitely yes. However, men don't think about things like emotional attachment or waiting to get to know one another the way women tend to. THis is why they are often ready to sleep with a woman they're attracted to straight out of the gate. This is also why it's really important for the woman to be aware of herself and her feelings about sex, so as to not get hurt.