sex and dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
sex and dating
3
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 1:07pm

Hello,

I apologize in advance for those of you reading this for a second time -- I had posted this problem on the "differing libidos" message board but now wonder if it's just a difference in dating style between me and my bf.

I have run into this problem and I'm not sure if it's something I need to address about myself or what. Anyhow, long story short, we met in May and just became more physical about 2-3 weeks ago. Started with kissing, then we moved on to more of the making-out type of thing, and have just recently tried sex. The problem is is that he doesn't respond physically to the sex part, although he seems like he wants to especially when we're making out.

I haven't dealt with this before and now I find myself doubting myself and kicking myself for having gotten physical to this extent at all. I feel bad like I pushed him into something he wasn't ready for or a direction he didn't want to go. Now I'm afraid I ruined the relationship altogether.

My concern about myself is that I feel like I somehow need the sexual part of the relationship to mature in order for me to express my love for him and to feel I can invest myself further. I'm not sure why he doesn't respond. And worse, I wonder if I have some sort of emotional problem where I need sex to feel validated or worthy in a relationship...

When is it "ok" to want sex and when is it "unhealthy"?

Do other people find themselves at this point in a relationship?

Thank you.
leonalion

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: leonalion
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 1:32pm

Hi leonalion and welcome to the board.


Please do not think that your boyfriend's sexual issues are yours. I had this same problem with an ex and it's truly nothing personal. Usually it's their own thoughts that are prohibiting them from performing.


Have you discussed this with him? If not, I would suggest bringing it up in a very safe, loving context as it can be a hard issue to deal with.


Since you've posted, what's gone on with the issue?


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
In reply to: leonalion
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 5:24pm

I'm feeling better about it not being at all my fault and feel good about my own actions. I think I wasn't being "overeager" by wanting to get physical.

Since I posted him we're taking a week break from seeing one another. He has an appointment with his doctor on the 8th to discuss the impotence issue. He is hoping it is something physical that can easily be aided with a pill ...or at least have that and then maybe therapy.

So, that's all I know for now. I'm just kind of hanging out and trying to not be too optimistic but not write him off altogether.

thanks for your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: leonalion
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 5:40pm
That's great! I truly hope it works out for the two of you... Keep us posted after his visit. I'm crossing my fingers for you!
Image hosted by Photobucket.com