Sex on First Date

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Sex on First Date
5
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 8:29am
I met a guy for drinks last Friday. Everything was going GREAT! I mean, the conversation flowed, we have a ton in common, and he is very sexy. He kept telling me how nice I am, how mature (he's 45, I'm 33), how sexy & hot I am, etc. Anyway, at the end of the date (it went on for 3 hours), he took me to my car and before I got out of his car, we started making out pretty heavily. Next thing I know, he's asking me to go back to his place. So, I do. We ended up having some great sex that night and I spent the night there.

We've talked since then. He'll tell me that he's thinking of me and I believe every time we've talked, he's told me how great he thinks Friday night was. He said the entire night was great, not just the sex part. I asked him what he thinks of me because I feel pretty guilty for doing that on a first date. He said that at our ages, it's silly to get upset about it. We're adults, blah blah blah.

Here's the problem - he hasn't asked me out again. Today is Thursday! What the heck is he waiting for? He told me how great Friday was, we've talked on the phone and online. I know he is busy because he works unGodly hours (goes to bed at 8:30 p.m., wakes at 4 a.m.).

Should I ask him when we are getting together again or leave it up to him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 12:21pm
Leave it up to him to contact you at this point. If you contact he may assume you just want sex and that's not all you want right? It is to your advantage to let him contact you, that way you will get a better idea as to what his true motivations are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 12:51pm
You've already given him the message that you're easy, so there's no reason for him to work to get you. I'm sure he had a great time, but the pursuit may be over. He now knows that he can get you whenever he wants you. Remember, guys in their 40's grew up in a different era where it was their job to pursue the women. So the interest increases with the chase. By having sex on the first date, he no longer needs to impress you, so he may have lost interest. He may call you at the last minute if he can't find another date, or if he's feeling particularly horny. But the likelihood of your situation becoming a "relationship" is probably fairly low. And you can't un-ring the bell. So if you suddenly withhold sex, then he'll really have no reason to see you again. You may have to just chalk this up to experience and move on. Maybe he'll call you, but it's just as likely that he won't. So there's no reason to sit around waiting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 1:48pm
Thanks for the information. I do feel bad for doing that with him. Don't know why I did. Apparently, at the time I didn't care if he would call me or not.

But, we talked Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and last night. Each time we have talked, he tells me how great he thought everything went. He thought I was cool, wants to see me again, yadda yadda yadda. I guess I just believe someone until proven wrong. He did make a comment yesterday that he's on a budget this week. I thought that was a hint that he may not be able to take me out. Because on Sunday, he had said he wanted to take me out this week, if he could.

I know a lot of people who have had sex on the first date and ended up in a relationship. As a matter of fact, my last relationship started off the same way. The only problem with sex on the first date is that things are no longer going to be taken slowly.

In fact, when we were on the date, he started asking me what I want - do I ever want to get married again, do I want a relationship, do I mind a man that works a lot, would I want to stay home or work if I ended up with him.

Well, I'll let you know what happens. Either we will go out on a second date or not. I just really like him and wish I hadn't give it up so soon.

Avatar for unsure4now
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 2:45pm
I say you should do your best to hold out on sex with every guy you go out with. It is not going to get you a solid respectable relationship, most of the time (there are exceptions). This guy is already preparing you, that you will not to be taken out by him (hinting that he is "on a budget"); he may use you as a booty call it seems.

I am 31 and divorced, so I know how tough the dating scene is. But hold out for respect, and respect yourself, and do not to give any part of yourself up so easily.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 3:55pm

I wouldn't worry yourself so much about having sex with this guy....

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