Sex, now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Sex, now what?
10
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 4:29pm
Okay, girls. You're going to come down on me when I tell you this, but bear with me. I met a guy this weekend through my cousin. He was awesome; hot, funny, sweet, you know all of that good stuff. Anyway, we all went out together (my cousin who is a guy, me, his two friends and two of my friends) and during the night, me and (let's call him Jay) Jay got a little friendly. We ended up losing my two girlfriends and it was just me, Jay and the boys. We sat at an outside bar to take a break and he offered his lap for me to sit on, so I did. He was talking, so I turned to look at him. He said that if I looked at him again, he was going to kiss me in front of everyone. I just laughed. Anyway, we were making our way back to the car. We were holding hands, then he put his arm around me, you get the picture. We started walking up to the parking lot and he pulled me back because my cousin and the other friend were walking in front of us. He turned me around and kissed me. Before any of this happened, he kept saying how "cool" I was and that he'd never met a girl like me. Anyway, one thing let to another and I had sex with him (amazing, by the way). I was dropping him off at the cousin's house and we stayed in my car and just talked forever. He said he loved my company, enjoyed my sense of humor, etc. We talked about a lot of things. He asked what I did for a living, where I went to college, etc. He told me about his family, where he's in school at, blah blah blah. He lives in another state. Said he would be in my area in a couple of weeks and suggested I drive up to see him (more than once), which I totally would do, but I didn't tell him that. He asked for my number then he insisted that I get his. I was happy, because usually men just get a girl's number so that they can call her but she can't call him. He was about to get out and mentioned going up to see him again, to which I replied "I'll call you." I don't know why I said it. I was hoping to leave the door open for him to call me. So, what I need is opinons (of course or I wouldn't be here, right?) Do you guys think he's serious about calling and seeing me? My thought is that if he wasn't serious about talking to me after he left then he wouldn't insist that I get his number as well, right? At this point, I have two options: A) Wait for him to call or B) Call him next week because he'll be nearby that following weekend. What do I do? Does this guy assume that I'm a floozey? Help; I really, really like him and it is soooo not like me to sleep with a guy so soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 4:33pm
He doesn't think you're a floozy - but he knows that you're a good source of no obligation great sex. And of course he wants you to have his number and him yours - that "opportunity" doesn't come his way every day.

I doubt seriously he wants to date...if he were looking to date and form a relationship, he wouldn't have been pursuing sex.

He's figuring that you're thinking like him...that you know sex is all about getting your own rocks off..and that you're cool with sex being 'Just about sex" - and that makes you a cool chick to hang around, and be one of hte guys around...and have benefits with.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 4:46pm
And this is the same guy on 4-5-04 that you are asking about on the Answer Man board that you were wondering if he's too young for you becuase he's a couple of years younger and still in college - and you're not in college and already employed?

Adn now that it's been a couple of days and he hasn't called post-sex you're concerned about whether it "meant more than sex?"

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 4:52pm
Well I wouldn't assume because he asked for your number that he must want to start a relationship with you at all. Don't jump to conclusions.

However, you wrote "does he just think I'm a floozey" WHO CARES??? Does he think you are a floozey because you slept with him, he could...but guess what? that would make him a floozey too since he slept with you...so if he thinks that he's a hypocrite and you don't want him anyways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 9:32am
Hi Erin.

Yep, it's the same guy and yes, that's what I was thinking. :-)

I've let it all kind of sink in. I've decided that I'm just not going to worry about it anymore. It's not like it would be a huge disappointment if he didn't call anyway. I'm just starting to not care anymore. If he calls, great. If not, oh well and he wasn't for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 9:33am
I never thought about that way; it's very true. Great insight! Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 10:41am
Look, he doesn't think less of you for sleeping with him for physical gratification - that is precisely why he slept with you.

But, what does need to be addressed is the reality that what he did with you - he's done with lots of other girls that were willing, also. So you might want to consider getting tested for STD's even if you had protected sex.

Values justify actions....his values justified his actions - to him nothing is wrong with physical gratification with a willing party, it doesn't require him to be emotionally involved to be physically satisfied.

You're saying "you've never done this before"...first, don't expect him to believe that if you two do reconnect, second - realize he's going to expect more of it without diong anything more in terms of dating ot get it, and third - your values do justify this, just like his did - it's just that you've never acted on "feelings" like this - and he has.

So get tested......what you don't want is to have to admit to some guy that you date for awhile, then sleep with and end up caring about "hey, I had sex with a one-nighter a year ago, and just found out I have herpes and i might have given it to you."

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 10:32am
Hi everyone.

This is an update on the younger guy. For those of you who haven't read this, I met a guy last weekend that I really clicked with and we exchanged numbers. I told him I'd call him because he wanted me to meet him in a nearby city when he'll be there. He's 3 years younger than myself. In any case, I said I'd call. So, Friday night on my way home from going out, I couldn't stop thinking about him, so I called him. He didn't answer, so I left a message. About ten minutes later, he called back. We talked and laughed for a little bit. He was on spring break, so he was up at that hour. He asked if he could call me again and I said yes! I really, really like this guy. I don't know what it is about him, but I'm so attracted to him. That was Friday night (actually Saturday morning at 3:00 a.m.)I haven't heard from him yet, but I'm not sweating it because I know he's heading back to school from spring break, etc. This is what I have a question about: while we were talking, he asked where I was. I told him I was on my way home from going out. He asked if I was with anyone. I told him I was by myself and he sounded relieved and happy to hear it. Could he have been asking who I was with to see if I was with another guy? I know it's hard to tell and you aren't mind readers, but anyone out there with an opinion is more than welcome to respond.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 10:36am
He might have been wanting to know if you were with someone else - because if you were with someone else as easily as with him he doesn't want more "physical contact" - he's protective against HIV/AIDS.

He also might have been asking because he likely has been with several girls on spring break, and your response was going to be telling. If you said "No, I haven't been with anybody or considered anybody intresting since I met you" - he'd know that he wasin trouble in terms of getting attached...and that future contact would probably have you asking if he had been with sxually or otherwise other girls during the time you two have been apart.

Your answer let him know he won't be quizzed about his intimacy or dating life when next you two meet. That you're taking "whatever we do as all there is" - in terms of you two -and if you hook up and hang out again, great - he won't be inundated with "do you like 'just me' - do you want 'just me'"..and quite likely he's hoping NOT to be asked "have you been with anybody sexually since me because if you have we're not having sex."

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 1:33pm
These things femals must remember in this day and age...

1) use condoms

2) respect yourself and don't let anyone walk on you

3) live life to the fullest and ride the waves!!!!

You sound like you had a great time...so what are you worried about? If it's meant to be, you two will keep in contact, and things will be just dandy.

Oh, and I beleive your other question was: are you a floozy?

Honey, think about this... if this was a mens message board- he would get titled a total stud, and comended for having spontaneous fun. Whats so different about women having the same type of fun,as long as it's within some form of reason?! Don't be so hard on yourself, and ride the waves
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 1:57pm
You're totally right about the protection issue and about respect. I respect myself, so men almost always respect me. True, if I were a guy, I'd be getting mad props from my buddies. After I thought about it, I realized that I did what I wanted to and I shouldn't feel bad about the decision that I made. If it's meant to be, it will be. I don't know if you read my update, but read back a couple of posts and you'll find it. I called him on Friday and he called me back almost right away! He asked if he could call me, I said yes, so I'm taking it from there. Thanks for the advice!!