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For Sex Only!
| Mon, 03-15-2004 - 10:25pm |
Hi, About 6 months ago I started having a sexual relationship with a friend. We both agreed that we did not want a serious relationship, we would just be sex partners and it would be our secret. We both agree that the sex is great, I never have had better. I thought that being an adult woman that I would be able to handle this kind of relationship. I look forward to our evenings together, which averages every 4 to 5 weeks depending on his gigs. Well, I was wrong! I have grown to have feelings for this person and beleive he has too. I really did not think that this could happen, I am not attracted to him physically I think it is because of the sex. Of course he will never admit to it, but I can tell, just by the way that he looks at me dancing with other men while he is playing in his band and the comments that he makes afterwards. He still says that he does not want a serious relationship, he only wants to be commented to his music. My dilemma is should I continue to go on with this arrangement for the great sex, or should I start gradually ending this relationship in fear of getting hurt, by not being available when he is? I would appreciate any input!

I think it's impossible, at least for me and I suspect for most women, to have sex and not develop feelings for the guy. But if you're not attracted to him physically and he doesn't want more, what is the point.
You'll just get hurt worse if you continue it, and you know this or you wouldn't be asking, so just end it now.
also, get tested for STD's including the symptomless chlamydia.
Good luck!
What are you truly asking for in this arrangement? A committment (and you are afraid you won't get what you want?) or validation (in which you do not need from a man, only yourself). The sex is the outer effects to a deeper issue. You need to get to the core of things before it gets out of hand and you will get hurt.
The guy stated that he is committed to his music and does not want anything serious. He was honest, so if you looking for anything more from him, your are barking up the wrong tree. Do you truly believe you have nothing to bring to the table in a relationship, only your body? I do not believe that. You sound to me like you truly want love and caring in your life and having a hell of a time getting it. Do some serious soul searching and the answers will come. This is your life we are talking about. My concern is not about him but you. Take care and let me know what happens.
And I totally agree with everyone who said you shouldn't read much into the way your FWB looks at you. He is probably looking "that way" because he is worried that you will hook up with someone else, and he doesn't want anyone else taking over his booty call (sorry for putting it like that).
Until this young man says the words: "I want a deeper relationship with you.." he doesn't. And you should only stay in this arrangement if you are truly OK with being a sex buddy, only.
If you want out, I don't think there's much point in trying to "gradually" end things. You'd just be prolonging what could be a painful or awkward experience, for you. Just tell him it's been great, but you're moving on. You want something else for yourself now. I'm sure he'll understand. Then stop all contact. If you let him continue to contact you, I can almost guarantee you will find yourself in bed with this guy again, against your better judgement.
Take care.