Sex or No Sex
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Sex or No Sex
| Wed, 06-23-2004 - 10:37am |
Personally, I prefer to date someone for a while before having sex. This preference is based on my experience of jumping into the sack early on, me thinking it's leading somewhere and wanting more, and then later being disappointed.
Many experts advise that, and many people suggest that in their responses to other posts.
However, reality seems to contradict that notion. I see, and know, of people who hook up sexually early on and stay together. One of the couples just recently got married.
Apparently it's not a hard and fast rule. It did not work for me, but it's working for other people. Why is that? Why does it work out for some and not others?
A~

"I don't think it's a matter of when you have sex with someone, so much as knowing what you want and finding out if a potential SO is on the same page. That means asking the right questions (I find out within the first 2-3 dates if a man is open to a serious LTR leading to marriage with someone who's right for him, because that's what I'm looking for). If he says he's not looking for a serious r'ship, I stop seeing him. If he says he is, I then pay close attention to actions or words that are inconsistent with that stated goal, and will generally date him for at least 6-8 weeks before deciding whether to be exclusive (and my rule of thumb is to not sleep with men I don't have a clear agreement on exclusivity with). I find it takes at least that long to have a good idea of his integrity and character and whether his words and actions are consistent. Like you, I've had good, long-term r'ships where we slept together right away, but these days I err on the side of being cautious, because of the greater physical risks involved with sex these days, and because I can no longer keep my heart from getting involved as I used to be able to do when I was younger."
Sheri