Sex or No Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Sex or No Sex
3
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 10:37am
Personally, I prefer to date someone for a while before having sex. This preference is based on my experience of jumping into the sack early on, me thinking it's leading somewhere and wanting more, and then later being disappointed.

Many experts advise that, and many people suggest that in their responses to other posts.

However, reality seems to contradict that notion. I see, and know, of people who hook up sexually early on and stay together. One of the couples just recently got married.

Apparently it's not a hard and fast rule. It did not work for me, but it's working for other people. Why is that? Why does it work out for some and not others?

A~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
In reply to: amberlotus
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 10:47am
I think its really about what works for you, what works for the person you are with.
Lilypie Baby Days

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: amberlotus
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 11:05am
I just wrote this yesterday on another board, but I think it applies here as well:

"I don't think it's a matter of when you have sex with someone, so much as knowing what you want and finding out if a potential SO is on the same page. That means asking the right questions (I find out within the first 2-3 dates if a man is open to a serious LTR leading to marriage with someone who's right for him, because that's what I'm looking for). If he says he's not looking for a serious r'ship, I stop seeing him. If he says he is, I then pay close attention to actions or words that are inconsistent with that stated goal, and will generally date him for at least 6-8 weeks before deciding whether to be exclusive (and my rule of thumb is to not sleep with men I don't have a clear agreement on exclusivity with). I find it takes at least that long to have a good idea of his integrity and character and whether his words and actions are consistent. Like you, I've had good, long-term r'ships where we slept together right away, but these days I err on the side of being cautious, because of the greater physical risks involved with sex these days, and because I can no longer keep my heart from getting involved as I used to be able to do when I was younger."

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
In reply to: amberlotus
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 12:25pm
I just read an article on this subject. What does a man think when the woman he's dating sleeps with him on the first date? I think it could go both ways, for women as well. I'm not a kid, been around the block enough to have experienced enough of these kinds of situations. I've had sex on a first date a few times. No, I've never thought of myself as "loose" and I'm sure many of you have done the deed on the first date. Some can hold out and that's fine too. I think if a person is looking for true committment, then it might be a good idea to wait a while. But, if you are just out to have fun and enjoy yourself, hey, whose to judge. My boyfriend and I made love on our first date. We've known each other for over 2 years and have been "together" for a little over a year now. Online dating thing, we were friends for the first year (long distance only). When we finally saw each other face to face, we did have sex. But, That was the night that our friendship turned exclusive and romantic. So, you see, every single situation is different. I don't think there is any hard and fast rule to this. Society would say that everyone should wait. But, the reality is that it all depends on each individual. I don't know if I would judge someone if they slept together on the first date.