sex too soon?
Find a Conversation
sex too soon?
| Mon, 09-27-2004 - 4:11pm |
Well like all women when it comes to men I am as confused as I can be. I am in my early 30's and a week ago I was introduced (by a good friend) to a guy that's 8 years younger than me. Our first date was incredible ... never laughed so much and had so much fun in my life. Afterwards, he took me home and we sat outside til past 3a.m. talking. Although we shared some very passionate kisses I was trying to do the right thing ... I didn't let him stay and on his way home he fell asleep and wrecked. I ended up having to go pick him up and have his vehicle pulled out of a ditch. Luckily he was not injured but ended up having to stay at my house anyway. Lot of good it did to send him home :) He was a complete gentleman and held me in his arms like I'd been there all my life.
He came out to see me again Monday night and we talked for a while and he left. Tuesday there was a tragedy in my family, and he did come out to the hospital for a brief moment. Wednesday we talked via phone. Thursday night he came out and well things got a little carried away. My emotions were running high from the incident earlier with my family and I hope I didn't screw this up by diving in too soon. I don't usually do that. We spent all day Saturday together and he stayed over Saturday night so I don't think it scared him away, I just don't want the relationship to be based on sex. Should I back up and say okay no more until we get further into this or is it too late for that. I don't want him thinking I do this with everyone ... do I tell him that? We have talked about other people but I haven't asked him if he's seeing anyone because I don't want him to think I am smothering him ... but I do have a right to know this now right?
He came out to see me again Monday night and we talked for a while and he left. Tuesday there was a tragedy in my family, and he did come out to the hospital for a brief moment. Wednesday we talked via phone. Thursday night he came out and well things got a little carried away. My emotions were running high from the incident earlier with my family and I hope I didn't screw this up by diving in too soon. I don't usually do that. We spent all day Saturday together and he stayed over Saturday night so I don't think it scared him away, I just don't want the relationship to be based on sex. Should I back up and say okay no more until we get further into this or is it too late for that. I don't want him thinking I do this with everyone ... do I tell him that? We have talked about other people but I haven't asked him if he's seeing anyone because I don't want him to think I am smothering him ... but I do have a right to know this now right?

OF COURSE sex too soon isn't going to "scare him away"...I'm sure he's loving it!
I would either back things up (very hard to put the genie back in the bottle though!) or talk to him about exclusivity, because personally I can't deal with sleeping with someone who's dating or sleeping with other people.
And no, I wouldn't say "I don't do this with everyone"...that smacks too much of "the lady doth protest too much", ya know?
Sheri
I think we saw each other so much at first because of all the commotion going on around us. Plus there was instant attraction and we can't keep our hands off each other even if it's just hugging. I am just scared with this starting out this fast it's going to be based on sex alone and not emotions or true feelings. I appreciate your honesty. Usually I make sure there is exclusivity there before I take this step but it happened and now I am in a bad spot. I have the opportunity to go out with an ex this weekend, but don't really want to; however, I don't want to say no and close all my options if this isn't headed anywhere. BOY BOY BOY do I get myself in some spots.
My biggest concern with my situation is his age. He is only 23. Although he does act mature for his age, I can remember where my mind was at 23 heck still is sometimes now and it wasn't on commitment. I truly think I have screwed up here. Just wish I would have thought about all this BEFORE we got so involved. I am smarter than this and it really irritates me to know I was so irresponsible. Oh well, spilt milk.
Sheri
Another question I have is about people around us pushing us forward. Everywhere we go people are telling us how good we look together, and now his sister is even kind of pushing the situation. Telling his parents how much I "fit" in their group and so on. I am afraid this kind of pressure is going to have us both running in the other direction; however, it isn't really my place to tell his sister to lighten up.