Sex vs. Sleeping Together

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2004
Sex vs. Sleeping Together
2
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:14am
Is there any real difference between having sex and sleeping together?

Three weeks ago, I began dating a wonderful man. We traveled out of town together to celebrate his best friend's birthday (introducing me to his best friend was a nice gesture in itself, I thought). We had planned to stay in separate places, but as the night progressed, he suggested that we stay together. He said he'd understand if I didn't want to change the plans on which we'd previously agreed, so I had an option to say no.

I explained that if a relationship for us was meant to be, that it should evolve the right way. He understood that although I am very attracted to him, I don't want sex too soon to complicate the progression of our relationship. He agreed, and I appreciated that in him. Nevertheless, I reminded him that two adults can share a hotel room or a bed and still exercise self-control.

We talked and cuddled for hours, and I fell asleep in his arms ... we awakened the next morning, kissed each other good morning briefly and talked for hours before we prepared for the road trip back home. There wasn't even any heavy kissing or petting. (Wow ... are those terms showing my age? lol)

My questions: is sleeping together and sharing an intimate evening in this way really any different from sex? And, if it's no different than having sex too early, would this type of intimacy complicate things the way that sex can? Maybe this sounds juvenile, but I haven't felt this way about a man in quite some time (I'm mid 40s) and I just want some input on this.

Thanks for reading ... I look forward to your replies.

Joy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 9:56am
Quite frankly, I wouldn't spend more than 2 seconds worrying about it. You and he are defining your unique path and pace for your relationship. You have an agreement of respect between you two. What you do is your private business as long as you both respect and honor agreed upon boundaries.

He is controlling his desire for you, so please don't tease him too much ;-)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 11:13am
No, I don't think it's the *same*, but spending the night together does accelerate things. I've gone away on trips early on in the r'ship and done what you did (sleeping together with no sex), and it lead to sex earlier than I would have otherwise been comfortable with. Therefore, I plan to avoid putting myself in those types of situations again.

I would NOT share a bed with him again until you're ready to have sex. In the cases I noted above, we figured since we'd spent the night together already, what was the big deal? I wouldn't follow the same course again.

Sheri