Sexy man v's Soul Mate

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Sexy man v's Soul Mate
6
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 9:18pm
I am divorced but I've been dating on and off for a couple of years now. I am fairly attractive, a bit bookish but I can be a lot of fun too. I am definately quirky and looking for someone who appreciates my unique outlook and has many common interets and beliefs with me.

Here is my dilemma: I meet men all the time. Sometimes online, sometimes IRL. The problem is they tend to fall in one of two categories. Either I find them extremely attractive, or I find them fascinating companions. Only a few times in my life have I ever met a man whom I found to be intelectually stimulating AND sexually attractive. These men never seem to be available.

What do you do when you only find men that meet half your needs? What do you do when the men who drive you crazy bore you to tears in conversation and the men who make your mind whirl with their wonderful conversation dont turn you on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 12:55am
This is a unique dilema. Have you really met that many men that you can fit them all into 2 categories: intelligent/leaves you cold and dumb/rings your bell.

I am wondering, what is it about stupid men that turns you on? My upper and lower extremities must be well connected, because those smart guys really do it for me.

Not being sarcastic, tiffonie, I really want to know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 4:37am
Tiffonie2,

The old saying you can't have your cake and icecream too fully applies here.

I guess the best thing I can tell you is to search your inner soul, are you

a kind of person who only cares about looks, or are you the kind of person who

must have an "sword fight" with large words that most people don't use anyway.

To me find someone that is easy on the eyes and still can manage to complete a

full sentence.

Here's looking at you, and wishing you the best on your hunt for the perfect man.

Andrew

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 12:12pm
I don't know if you're refering to his, tiffonie, but are you talking about the bad boy type versus decent man?

It's very easy to find beatiful men who turn you on sexually (for me, dark hair, tan, muscular and defined body, lovely face really lights my fire), but it's only sex most of the time. When I get to meet them, some are so dumb that I really lose all sexual interest.....

Really mental stimulation it's very important to me. I know a few guys who are very inteligent, have wonderful conversations, they are decent guys, but phisically I don't feel anything.

But I really feel that you can have both yes, there are men who are inteligent and light your fire. I think when I met this guy, when I feel that he "touches" me completely at all levels, well, he's the one!

Just continue dating, eventually the right guy will show up, always try to find what you want, but don't be too picky, that can also be bad.


Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 10:31am
I have been exploring this line of thought more in the past week.

I think the problem is actually deeper than my initial post conveys.

I was raised in the south and find myself very attracted to cowboy/country boy types. I get excited at the site of boots and a big belt buckle! Please do not think I am saying that country boys are dumb. We just have extremely different points of view. I joined the military shortly after high school and have changed a lot in my personal views since I moved away. But I still am drawn to the country boys who drive pick-up trucks, have a twang, and make me feel at home with them. I yearn for a simple rural life with babies, home cooking, and porch swings on hot nights.

Here is the problem, I read constantly and lean way to the left politically. I'm agnostic and love to talk about history and religion from this point of view. I dont eat meat very often. I would be a strict vegetarian if my schedule allowed for it. By most definitions I am a feminist.

So when I meet men who are tree hugging liberals like myself, I find myself engrossed in fascinating conversation, but I really dont feel drawn to these types.

I am starting to think my own internal conflict over my roots and my thoughts on major philosophical issues may be something I need to work through. Is this an identity crisis?

On a trip to Dallas for my job I met a guy as county as a turnip green. He is adorable and a perfect gentleman, texan country boy. We drank beer, played pool, listened to country music and hung out the whole trip. He is in the military as well and I ran into him again at my job at a meeting. Turns out he lives three hours from here. We stared e-mailing and then talking on the phone and finally got together for a date Friday night. I am completely drawn to him. Our rural backgrounds are very similar and our military careers are in the same place. We have so much in common, it is scary. BUT, he is Christian and I dont think he will be pleased to find out that I am not. I am not sure if I can handle all the hunting and fishing (mostly the bow hunting that disturbs me). Can these differences be overcome if our hearts are in the same place, even if we go about things differently?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 11:35am
My sister, who is a very wise person, once told me that every single couple has as much chance of making it as every other couple, bar none. When two lives diverge there is always some issue that makes one question: "can I accept this and continue with this person?" This must be decided before one goes on.

I learned this big time when I met my own cowboy (yes, they are a weakness of mine! Isn't this a small world?). The rootin', tootin', huntin', fishin' type. Simply put, he was a wonderful fellow, pure hearted, plain living, responsible and with a great spirit in bed. I adored him BUT -- that hunting thing! Killing live creatures for fun?! That was a hard one, and it challenged me greatly. I did accept this about him, but always made him understand that he should be a little careful about the subject around me and he agreed. His word was gospel and we never had a problem. (although, I could not always help wincing a bit!)

Now, about religion. This can be a tough one, and I haven't experienced it so can't help you there. I would imagine it's like the hunting thing? Maybe someone else has dealt with this issue.

Tiffonie, it sounds like life has delivered you the man you want, but still wants you to do the work it takes to keep him.

Best of luck to you, girlfriend.

amjay45

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 12:47pm
Thanks for your reply. Im going to keep my fingers crossed and hope that date one leads to date two. :)