Shady Character?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Shady Character?
3
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 5:36pm
Hi everyone.I came here to seek advice before I do anything else. A man has asked me out but I have not made him an answer yet.I have doubts about him.Here's why:He was married to his first wife 29 years when they divorced.Reason: he cheated on his wife.Shortly after the divorce he married the woman he had the affair with.Well after 2 years the relationship soured and they broke up.Now he lives with his family.He is attractive and qiuet-natured.He calls me a few times a week.He says he wants to get to know me better.He often talks about how hard life was with his second wife.he says that she would always want to know where he was and often "accuse him of things he was not doing." So things got so bad he left.He says they have been separated for 4 months now.He says he is getting a divorce,but he has not filed for it yet.He says he will soon,after he gets a few debts paid off.But I am wary of him,considering what has happened in the past.Should I stop talking to him or what?What would you do in this situation?I want to be a loyal,faithful mate to someone and I want the same for me,too.Please respond.Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 6:16pm

People learn from their mistakes (sometimes) and it's possible that he has. It's not surprising to hear the 2nd marriage broke off because of the way it started and the fact that he did not give himself any time to heal over the first.

Two things come to mind for you. 1) He's still married so I would not get involved until everything is final. This would not be a good thing on so many levels. 2) Give him time after the divorce to heal. If he just rushes into another relationship (with you), I have a feeling history might repeat itself.

You're wise to be cautious. In the meantime, go out and date other men, remain a friend to him and see what shakes out of it.

Hope this helps!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 7:21pm
I wouldn't get involved with this man. He's got trememdous baggage that he'll carry with him into any relationship he's in. The fact that he's separated says a lot. What if you take interest in him, BUT he decides to go back to her. His talking about his "hard life with his 2nd wife" shows how troubled this man is. He's crying out to you and you're his date! This man is NOT emotionally healthy to be with anyone. He has to file for divorce, divorce and heal himself before getting involved again.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 8:31pm

You are absolutely right to be wary. Not only is he not divorced, he's a cheater. What has he done to change his core morals and values so that he no longer believes that cheating can be justified or rationalized?

Karma is a you know what...too funny that he is leaving because his 2nd wife doesn't trust him! Um, perhaps your character and behavior has something to do with that????

I wouldn't not continue to talk to this man, if you value commitment, monogamy and fidelity. He does not.

Sheri