Shall I continue dating this man

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Shall I continue dating this man
2
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 9:55pm
Hi I have dated this man for 3 months. Once when we were making love, I said something like I loved you. Then he said he didn't love me, but was moving towards it. I cannot help thinking about it these days, and I feel really uncomfortable. I believe love is by first instinct, if you don't love someone, you can never move toward it. I am still seeing him regularly, maybe because I am attached to him, or maybe because emotionally and physically I am just lonely since I got divorced a year ago. But if being rational, shall I continue dating this man or not?

My dating experience with him has been quite smooth. He is such a well planned person in terms of when to meet. He doesn't seem to have strong passion, being with him is just like a couple being at home. Although he said right from the beginning that he thought I was so well suited to him and even talked about marriage, child-bearing, stuff like that, it seemed so hypocritical to me now. He forgot my birthday, even though he happened to ask about it a week before prompted by something (I didn't mean telling him but he insisted). Anyway, he seems such a calm person, with no ups and downs, maybe because of his age (he is approaching 50, nearly 20 years older than I am).

My problem is that I don't seem to know what I really want from relationships, and I am too easy to love someone as long as he is not too bad, and right now I am lonely. What shall I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 6:44am
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In my opinion love is not first instinct, lust is...love takes time to grow, sometimes it just happens quicker for some people. For example, I have been going out with a guy for just over 3 months now, I don't love him yet even though i care about him deeply, but I think with time i will. You may find yourself loving this man but he may not feel this way towards you yet...so don't rush it
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 8:45am
Thanks so much for what you had to say about all this. It seems that I was wrong in thinking that way. Anyway, I am glad I asked.