sharing the cost
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| Wed, 05-17-2006 - 6:29am |
I have begun dating someone about 6 weeks ago that I find to be a very special person. At the end of the month I'm leaving for a work-related trip for nearly 8 weeks. We've talked about it and don't think it's necessarily a big problem for us being together, but it's a little daunting to be separated that long since the relationship is in it's building stage. It sort of seems like an eternity and there's fears about picking up where we left off when I get back. Although I really don't think it will be a problem with this guy. I think the hardest part is just that I'll miss him!
One option is him coming for a visit during this stay. The one thing holding back is the cost of plane ticket ($980 - $1100) and also the uncertainty if this is good timing for a trip like this. I think he's feeling concerned that he'd be in my way, feeling like he'd be overstepping a welcome since it's sort of "my turf". I can definitely spare the time from my work, since I'll be vacationing a bit while I'm there regardless if he's there. I also have my own housing and travel covered by work so his costs once he's there wouldn't be anything.
What do you think?:
1) Is this too soon to be taking this kind of trip together? Would it be an irresponsible thing to do?
2) I'm considering paying for a portion of his plane fare to make the trip. Would that be crazy? I was thinking that offering him this might be a good gesture to show that I would really like for him to be there. If plane tickets were $300-$400 it would be a no-brainer. But $1100 is a huge chunk of change. And it's still early in the relationship. On the other hand, 8 weeks is a long time.

I understand that you are going to want to see this guy but $1000 is a heck of a lot of money. He might feel obligated to pick up the entire tab, or $500 might be more than he budgeted for an unexpected trip to see a lady that he has only been dating for 6 weeks.
Why don't you take the pressure off of him, make sure he and you both have a cost-effective long distance phone plan, use video conferencing and send lots of emails. If it is meant to be, this guy will be there when you get back.
luky4elle...
First...PG will spare you the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" response. Because 8 weeks is a long time for a couple in love to be separated.
I don't suppose there's any possibility of the 2 of you meeting at a "half-way location" for a few days? $1100.00 IS A LOT OF MONEY! But if there's a way the 2 of you could connect with one another at a mutually agreeable place...which could be reached by driving a car, or taking a bus or a train...it would give the two of you a chance to connect with each other?
Overall, the expense would be less and YOUR QUALITY TIME TOGETHER WOULD BE THE SAME?
Just a thought...
Pianoguy
It's not necessarily too soon for a trip like this...you will have been together for over two months by the time you leave, right?
I would not offer to cover any of the cost of the plane ticket (unless you know that he really can't afford it), but I would cover the costs while he's there as a nice gesture (meals, etc).
One thing I'm assuming is that he's volunteering to make the trip (as opposed to you asking him)...is that correct?
Sheri
I didn't ask him -- but it was me who made a point to tell him that he'd be welcome to come for a visit, that it'd be a nice way to see this other place/country. This was about 2 weeks ago. I might be trying too hard by having brought up the *nice idea*.
He seems interested, has reported to me that he's spent time checking airfares, but also seems to have reservations about it -- like saying at one point that if we didn't get along that he could always get a hotel, that he feels he'd be in the way because I'll be there working. I think he might be afraid to spend 24/7 with me far from home in a different country when he hasn't done that with me here. Which I can relate to, I guess,... although I think I'd jump more at the idea of an adventure.
In that case, I would drop the topic and let HIM bring it up again if he's going to. It sounds like he's ambivalent about coming to visit you at this point, so I'd probably have it in my head that I wasn't going to see him for 8 weeks...and if the visit happens, it'll be a pleasanut surprise!
Sheri