Shd I take the initiative - Am nervous

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Shd I take the initiative - Am nervous
12
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 2:57am

I had written sometime back about this guy I saw at a party....when we exchanged these glances all evening. But never got to talk.
I am restless, becoz I want to meet him again, know him, talk to him. Does he feel exactly the same? I am not too sure yet.

We are part of an association here. I could write to this 3rd person who, I am guessing, has a friend's friend who knows him directly. Can anyone advise what words I can use without sounding fishy or desperate to know him. I know this 3rd person's email address and he is an acquaintance of mine. And becoz we have a working relationship, I need to choose my words carefully and not encourage gossip.

Please advise....
I am really nervous. I dont even know if I can get myself to write this mail either. But as each day passes, I feel I must do something.

Thank you so much...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 7:34am

bnaka112...

PG suggests this:

If you're worried about "neighborhood gossip" concerning you and the gentleman you're interested in.....find an intermediary WHO KNOWS HIM and WHOM YOU TRUST....and arrange for a get-together at a public place AWAY FROM THE ASSOCIATION.

A casual get-together with two people might be a more comfortable option than letting the rest of the world know how strong your feelings are?

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 1:13pm
Yes, I agree - any email that you send has the potential to be forwarded ... and forwarded.. and may even get directly to the guy without you intending it to... I know because it's happened to me! Try to do things in real life person as much as possible is my recommendation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 1:44pm
I agree with Londoness. Is there any way you could talk to some of these people in person or call them? Anyway, I say go for it. He'll never know you like him unless you see him again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 2:48pm

There is no one I can say I trust fully. I don't know any one of them well enough.
I wish I had someone I could take into confidence. I might just have to take a risk if I want to go the route of telling someone about it. And even if I don't tell them directly, they would guess I am interested in him. People are perceptive. I feel really helpless.

I know I just need some guts to make this thing happen. But that first step is the hardest.

Thanks for giving me that advise about email. I had thought that instead of talking to him "directly" (by getting his number) and perhaps scaring him away, an e-mail is safer, and will give him a chance to think. I had thought I would just get his email address from this person (who seems decent) and write to him? But I had no idea what to write. Maybe just a line introducing myself, and then saying "I was wondering if you would be knowing A's email address". Do you think this sounds safe and harmless?

I am not sure of anything now....

Wish he would contact me out of the blue, and end this.
That would be so amazing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 3:12pm

bnka112...

Not that it has anything to do with your dating situation, but Pianoguy is still waiting to be "discovered!"

But that'll only happen as I get MORE VISIBLE...and introduce myself (and my talents) to the outside world!

The only way ANY person (or persons) will know you're alive is to "network" yourself a little? Forget about waiting for that 'spur of the moment phone call'---cuz it probably won't happen!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 5:09pm

Whatever you do, please don't rely on third parties. I did this once and it totally backfired! Please don't, just go ahead and contact the guy directly if you really feel you need to.

Its best if he was the one to do the first move, but if you feel it has to be you then just email him. Just write a simple...and i mean VERY simple email, like ONE sentence long. That says "Hi, I meet you at that "so and so" party and thought you were so nice, hope we can stay in touch...THAT IS IT!

If you emails you fine, if not move on. Do not email him again, he got the email. Wish you all the luck and hope it works out for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 5:20pm
I think you should call the person (if you can) and ask him if he happens to have A's e-mail address. If you can't call the guy, then e-mail him, but keep lengthy explainations out. Just say, "I was wondering if you have A's e-mail address. I wanted to talk to him about something. If he feels uncomfortable giving A's e-mail address, ask him to give A your address.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 7:44pm

I finally pushed the 'send' button in my email...a short one to this person, mentioning how fun the party was, and if incase he has A's number becoz i had a question to ask him. Guess what. The email came right back to me because the recipient's address wasn't working/right. Sigh. Is this a sign???? That I am not supposed to take this route. The only route I thought I could manage taking.

This is so very frustrating. Hope I am not tiring you all with this.
Maybe I need to wait some more time. Maybe other ideas might pop up, or if luck's on my side, we will have another chance meeting thru the association.
:-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 8:52pm

Let him come to you. If he feels the same way, he will.


In my opinion, pursuing a man is dangerous. It's important to let him know you're interested but you don't want to do it to the point where he's just going out with you to be courteous so I would personally hold off.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 8:08am
I couldn't have said that better.
I think if you show enough interest, he should be able to take the reign. If not, I wouldn't bother. Chances are he's not interested enough or he's already involved and I wouldn't want to pursue someone who isn't interested enough or already involved. You'll regret it big time.

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