She amazes and confuses me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
She amazes and confuses me.
52
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 11:38pm
Trying to decide whether or not to ask this lady out. We work together which I know is a no no but where we work I hardley see her unless I actually go out of my way. We also attend the same church but once again I'd still have to go out of my way to see her. So it wouldn't be as bad if we started something that did not work out. This will be long so brace yourselve. It started out like this. i was at a new teacher orientation and the orientation was in a classroom. I got there late and I went take my seat but realized years of weight training and supplements had made me too large to fit comfortably in the desk I was attempting to sit. It was obvious i was having trouble and then I heard a voice say you can sit over here. i ignored it and said I would be fine. I sat down and I noticed who had said it. The lady was beautiful. I was awe stuck for the next 8 hours. She seemed quiet at first. Later on that day I found a way to end up sitting behind her. And managed to work up the courage to talk to her. Once I got her talking she was quite talkative which I like. A few days later i saw her again in the hall looking at a map and I struck up another conversation with her and I began to fall for her even more. Once school started I rarely saw her and when I did it was strange. She would wlk by me as fast as possible get my attention wave and take off with out giving me a chance to talk to her. She did this for a week straight I thought she hated me. Then that Sunday i tried out a new church and guess who was a regular member. When she saw me there she hugged me and aske dthe group I was with if we were doing anything later. We had to leave but the next couple weeks straight we all went out to eat lunch together. We sat down and talk for quite a bit. And I thought thinks were going good so i e-mail her a few times and she responded quickly. Then in one e-mail I asked her if she would like to have lunch with me one day during the week. She said yes at first but then the xcuse started coming. At first I thought she was just avoiding eating lunch with me but after talking with her i found out that her excuses are probably legit. She is taking two classes right now to keep her certification and job and she does worry a lot so I can see how she might want to skip going out for lunch until things get easier for her. So once I asked her if maybe she would like to go to dinner and for the first time I got no response from her. The I sent a few more e-mail which all got responses and then i sent my phone number for some reason (and it was a kegit one) and I got no response again. So I was ready to give up I was certain she was just avoiding the issue. So I sent one last e-mail saying "I guess we won't ever get a chnace to eat lunch together but I do understand it was great talking with you the other day you are truely an amazing woman and I promise not to bother about lunch any more see at church and God bless" So I got a very short e-mail back from her but couldn't remember what it said because I was a little disappointed. Whatever it was it had little to do with a response to what I wrote. So i went a few day without e-mailing her and at 11:59 one night I get a message in my school account from her. She asks how I'm doing, asks about how work is doing, asks about my brother and my training (can't say for what it will give away my identity) and I get excited I e-mail her back and once again we start going back and forth with the e-mails. I go hang out with her during lunch a few times and it seems like things are going great. I think mybe a few days later she got my e-mail about the dinner that a sent a week prior and invites to dinner at her house along with other people from the church. I accept but somehow it does not work out so we couldn't do that but she invited me to a barbeque at a church memebers house. When I get there she acts like I don't exist for the first 30 minutes then when I caught up with her started trying to talk to her people kept coming up trying to talk to me. And went they did she would either vanish or stick around and listen very intently to my conversation with whomever until I started to speak and then she would turn away. I can't really explain it but the whole time I felt as if she was deliberately avoiding and ignoring me. Right up until we were both getting ready to leave and then she stands by me. And at this point I have really fallen for this lady I wanted to drop to a knee and propose right then but I kept my cool. This made me feel as if she wanted no part of me and that I was getting on her nerves so I decided it was time to leave her alone. And after a few days of me not e-mailing her I get another late night e-mail. Now this one bothered me because I was just getting over her and now her she goes senting another e-mail asking how I'm doing and all. So once again i was back in love. So the past few days have been awesome i've gotten a chance to talk to her one on one and she seems really talkative and shares a lot with me. And recently she has started doing something she had never done before she is now asking about me. Usually when we would talk she would just tell me about herself but now she seem more interesting in what is going on with me. Sometime I look into her eyes and find myself lost and have to catch myself before I make her uncomfortable. I'm not sure why ahe acts the way she does around me and whenever I decide I don't have a chance she always does something to make me think that i do. I hope in my heart her strange behavior is because she is so worried about her job right now. I really really really like this girl she amazes me her passion for her job and her love of the Lord. But I don't want to complicate her life. In decenber her class will be over and I can wait till then but my question is does it seem like I have a chance?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 8:22am

The path of love

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 3:58pm
It sounds like she is playing some games with you...the coy and hard to get type of games.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 10:58pm

Here is my plan, let me know if you think this is a good idea. I'm going to ask her out but I think I should ask her if she wants to go out after she finishes her classes in December. She seems so stressed out and I don't want add to it. But I think when I get back into town on Monday I'm going to ask her if she would like to go out once she finises her classes. I feel a big part of why she acts so strange is because of what is riding on her finishing these classes. I don't have her phone number or else I'd ask her out right now and I don't want to do it over e-mail I've been warned against it. Well does this seem more deliberate or am I still beating around the bush. I thank you for you help.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 11:17am

Don't decide what would or would not add stress to her - going out could be a stress reliever. She is the best judge of that - your role is to offer, hers is to accept at this stage.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 12:22pm

Next time I see her I'm asking her out, thanks you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 1:20pm
I've got one more question for you. I've been getting a lot of advice from various people about dating and it seems that they are right but I am hoping they are not. I've been told that girls won't usually date the nice guy. They just want them as friends. And it seems right as i think back on my life the only two times i could have ever been seen a jerk women wanted me. But when I was my usual nice self I'd always lose the girl to a jerk. Even with girl who i feel so strongly about right now it seems as if the best way to get her attention is to not give her any. Everyone say thats what i should do make her feel like its a privelege to go out with me. But how can I do that to someone I really care about. My life is hectic enough that if I had to I could play that game (because if it weren't hectic I'd want to spend every free second with her) After becoming a Christain my life changed and I always wanted to put others ahead of myself. I wouldn't say that I'm a "nice guy" I mean I'm no push over I couldn't be with my other job title but I place the concerns of other above my own and it seems as if that is not attractive to most women. The guys who I see getting are not at all like that. Even the guys who are nice guys now but have wives and girl friend have had shady pasts. At least the ones I've talked to. So I guess what i'm asking is whether or not there is any substance to what these guys are telling me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 2:51pm

the short answer IMHO is yes but not for the reasons you think.


I read an article on line (I can't remember where though!) about the ways men and women date and choose mates. It was like a relationship ladder. Women see men in one of two ways - as a potential love interest or a friend. These are 2 separate ladders - and some 'nice' men - men who don't want to appear as coming on too strong, etc - often find themselves on the friendship ladder and think that by behaving in certain ways which equates to playing it safe in some ways will get them transferred to the lover ladder - but women don't tend to work that way.


I will use my experiences

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 5:38pm
Thanks for the advise and I know I said that was my last question but I have a few more. Would it be okay to ask for her phone number over e-mail. Second she loves nature and hiking and things like that and she knows that I certainly don't. If asked out and our date was a hiking trip would she see that as me being that nice guy again or as being passionate about her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 12:01am
My advice is to just be yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 12:08am
TONI!

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