She amazes and confuses me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
She amazes and confuses me.
52
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 11:38pm
Trying to decide whether or not to ask this lady out. We work together which I know is a no no but where we work I hardley see her unless I actually go out of my way. We also attend the same church but once again I'd still have to go out of my way to see her. So it wouldn't be as bad if we started something that did not work out. This will be long so brace yourselve. It started out like this. i was at a new teacher orientation and the orientation was in a classroom. I got there late and I went take my seat but realized years of weight training and supplements had made me too large to fit comfortably in the desk I was attempting to sit. It was obvious i was having trouble and then I heard a voice say you can sit over here. i ignored it and said I would be fine. I sat down and I noticed who had said it. The lady was beautiful. I was awe stuck for the next 8 hours. She seemed quiet at first. Later on that day I found a way to end up sitting behind her. And managed to work up the courage to talk to her. Once I got her talking she was quite talkative which I like. A few days later i saw her again in the hall looking at a map and I struck up another conversation with her and I began to fall for her even more. Once school started I rarely saw her and when I did it was strange. She would wlk by me as fast as possible get my attention wave and take off with out giving me a chance to talk to her. She did this for a week straight I thought she hated me. Then that Sunday i tried out a new church and guess who was a regular member. When she saw me there she hugged me and aske dthe group I was with if we were doing anything later. We had to leave but the next couple weeks straight we all went out to eat lunch together. We sat down and talk for quite a bit. And I thought thinks were going good so i e-mail her a few times and she responded quickly. Then in one e-mail I asked her if she would like to have lunch with me one day during the week. She said yes at first but then the xcuse started coming. At first I thought she was just avoiding eating lunch with me but after talking with her i found out that her excuses are probably legit. She is taking two classes right now to keep her certification and job and she does worry a lot so I can see how she might want to skip going out for lunch until things get easier for her. So once I asked her if maybe she would like to go to dinner and for the first time I got no response from her. The I sent a few more e-mail which all got responses and then i sent my phone number for some reason (and it was a kegit one) and I got no response again. So I was ready to give up I was certain she was just avoiding the issue. So I sent one last e-mail saying "I guess we won't ever get a chnace to eat lunch together but I do understand it was great talking with you the other day you are truely an amazing woman and I promise not to bother about lunch any more see at church and God bless" So I got a very short e-mail back from her but couldn't remember what it said because I was a little disappointed. Whatever it was it had little to do with a response to what I wrote. So i went a few day without e-mailing her and at 11:59 one night I get a message in my school account from her. She asks how I'm doing, asks about how work is doing, asks about my brother and my training (can't say for what it will give away my identity) and I get excited I e-mail her back and once again we start going back and forth with the e-mails. I go hang out with her during lunch a few times and it seems like things are going great. I think mybe a few days later she got my e-mail about the dinner that a sent a week prior and invites to dinner at her house along with other people from the church. I accept but somehow it does not work out so we couldn't do that but she invited me to a barbeque at a church memebers house. When I get there she acts like I don't exist for the first 30 minutes then when I caught up with her started trying to talk to her people kept coming up trying to talk to me. And went they did she would either vanish or stick around and listen very intently to my conversation with whomever until I started to speak and then she would turn away. I can't really explain it but the whole time I felt as if she was deliberately avoiding and ignoring me. Right up until we were both getting ready to leave and then she stands by me. And at this point I have really fallen for this lady I wanted to drop to a knee and propose right then but I kept my cool. This made me feel as if she wanted no part of me and that I was getting on her nerves so I decided it was time to leave her alone. And after a few days of me not e-mailing her I get another late night e-mail. Now this one bothered me because I was just getting over her and now her she goes senting another e-mail asking how I'm doing and all. So once again i was back in love. So the past few days have been awesome i've gotten a chance to talk to her one on one and she seems really talkative and shares a lot with me. And recently she has started doing something she had never done before she is now asking about me. Usually when we would talk she would just tell me about herself but now she seem more interesting in what is going on with me. Sometime I look into her eyes and find myself lost and have to catch myself before I make her uncomfortable. I'm not sure why ahe acts the way she does around me and whenever I decide I don't have a chance she always does something to make me think that i do. I hope in my heart her strange behavior is because she is so worried about her job right now. I really really really like this girl she amazes me her passion for her job and her love of the Lord. But I don't want to complicate her life. In decenber her class will be over and I can wait till then but my question is does it seem like I have a chance?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 1:06pm

Hmm, I'm with Toni--I would get a "just wants to be friends" vibe from that as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 2:42pm

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 5:10pm

Sorry, I'm with the others.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 8:22pm

oh yea - you SO get me.

Toni

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 11:58pm
I asked her if we could do this again sometime and she said yeah and I'm sure she will. But the whole idea of being stuck in the friends category frustrates me. First I asked her if she would be free on Thursday night she said she would check her schedule when she said she was I said, "Can I take you out for dinner" She said sure we can do that. The entire date lasts about 2hours and it was non stop conversation, now she did do much of the talking and didn't ask me a whole lot of questions. She laugh at my jokes and never broke eye contact. But when I went to pay for the meal she said ina firm almost angry voice, "you don't have to do that" It was reall almost as if she was offended.Same words out of her mouth when I mentioned the fact that I liked to open the door for ladies. She also did the same thing when I offered to pick her up, but with this it was only at first. When I called for directions to get to her house she seemed happy to hear from me. The way she reacted when I tried to pay at first made me think it was a bad date. But just as I was getting ready to say I was though she texts me right before she goes to bed to ask if I got home okay.If she just wants to be friends why won't she just leave me alone not that I want that but she is confusing me so much. I don't know whether to say fine we are just friends or to ask her if there is a chance of becoming more. If there is a chance I'd wait as long as it took but if not I'd start looking elsewhere. If she agrees to go on a second date I will ask her any thoughts on how I should go about asking her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 9:20am

She barely knows you and after a first date is hardly a time to ask a woman if she sees more happening between the two of you.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 9:41am

I would happen a guess that she doesn't realize how her actions come across. Many women don't when they do this - but the clear message is 'I don't want you to treat me special"

Toni

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 1:44pm

Well, if someone wants to be your friend, how does leaving you alone foster a friendship???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 8:44pm
Here is an update. I feel like a jerk now. I asked her out again and she texted me saying that we could hang out on Saturday and I could meet her friend Bobby.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 9:05pm

Well, yeah, that wasn't very cool to text her what you did--better to ASK than assume, that's for sure.