She has changed! Distant! Wont talk much

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
She has changed! Distant! Wont talk much
4
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 5:01pm
I met this girl at work. She doesnt actually work with me. I go into her building where she works into her office once in a while. I met her about 2 weeks ago, and we chit chat here and there whenever i stop by. I dont see her as someone that i can date. I really like her as a friend though. We went to lunch one time and had great coversation. She lives about 1-2 hr way. There's this club close to her that she goes to once in a while, and i have been there a few times as well. This club is poppin and very popular. We talked about getting together and meeting up at this club with her friends. I went solo and i met her there with her friends. Were talking and she begins to touch me alot! Placing her hand on my back etc... We went to the dance floor area, and she grabs me by the hand and guides me to the dance floor. She can dance well. We kept our space, but she would again touch me every now and then.

The night is about to end and its 2am and im exhuasted. So i tell her im going to get a hotel since i cant drive home. She insist i stay at her place on her sofa. So i did, and we are up till 4am talking. Im laying on the sofa, and she keeps moving around laying on the floor in front of me tossing her hair etc.., like she's trying to seduce me or something. She kinda gets closer and sits on the table in front of me, then on the couch arm. 4 comes around and she says "ok, im going to bed". We had great time talking. The following day, she is leaving with her friend, and she's trying to get me up so they can go. We said our bye's

Last week, she became distant with me. She wont talk as much as she used to. What did i do wrong? I think she wanted me to have sex with her that night? I DID NOT in any way try and lead her on. I was being friendly. She was more aggressive. Im not interested in her as a gf.....but a friend. I dont know what to think now

She's just like the rest of them. I was tired, so i didnt want to drive back home. I didnt have any intentions of sleeping with her, because if i did, i would of went for it since all the signs were there.

WTF?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 6:39pm
I'm not sure what you mean by "just like the rest of them." But you did dance close with her, did stay at her place, talking ti 4 am though you were exhausted, perhaps flirting a little and perhaps she thought you were interested, and then was disappointed.

Or perhaps she feels she was rejected, in which case she might feel awkward around you. Women usually think and are very often right - that a guy wants to sleep with her, and if he doesn't, she feels hurt, ugly, rejected, humiliated, etc. She might need positive reassurance that you think she's attractive even though you're not interested in a sexual relationship.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 6:54pm
What i mean by "just like the rest of them" is that my girl/friends always want and try in they're own ways to try and start a relationship with me. They're are very few that have excepted the friendship zone, but others refuse and they end up being distant. I do not try and lead these women on in any way. Im not aggressive with them at all. They flirt with me 3 times as much as i even think about flirting with them. For example when we go out to a club, i'll approach other women and start up some convo. They get mad at me for it. They seem to dont understand that we are just friends and nothing more, but they always try and take it to the next level.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:43pm
I don't think it was wise to accept the offer to stay on her couch. She may not have been looking to actually start a relationship with you, by the way. She may have just been looking to have sex with you.

I think the biggest problem you have is that your female friends, for whatever reason, don't get the picture that you are not interested in them. For some reason they are feeling that they A)have a shot with you or B)can seduce you. You may need to re-evaluate how you act around those women that YOU consider JUST FRIENDS.

I'm not really sure how you would change that image, but I do suggest that you try. These girls are acting like they're hurt and rejected. Just because you go and talk to other women doesn't send the message that you are just friends to a girl. You need to tell any female friend you have that you are not looking at the moment. If you tell them that you are just dating, then they will try and put themselves into the dating section of your life. I know from our previous conversations that you seem like an ideal catch, good looking, good morals and a good career, own place, etc..

Remember, at 22 a girl is looking for fun, but at 28 that same girl may be ready for a serious committment. You and the member named "Fabulouz" should talk- he's trying to stay OUT of the friendship zone with women, and you're trying to stay IN the friendship zone with women- LOL!

Honestly though, I hope that things work out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:14am
Like i said i dont try and lead these women on. I treat them like anyone else, almost like my very few guy friends. They dont get any special treatment from me at all. I took the sofa because i was really exhausted and not wanting to drive all the way back home. Im not going to change because this is me, and its up to them to except me or not. Some of them are fine with it, BUT most are not