she left me for BDSM

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
she left me for BDSM
1
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 11:37pm

my life is amazing. I know interesting people, creatives, musicians, good people, and my last lover. Today I am still one half recognizing the moments of pure fun, and on the other where i had lost this person. I had only dated her for over a couple months, but we had spent alot of time together...hours on end...holding hands, kissing. When i first met her she was coming to terms with having needs that some describe as kinky. Slapping was one interest...being rough/rubber clothes/collars...

I felt rough at times, and this side of her very much turned me on in ways i hadn't known,but i don't think i could do the things she really wanted to be done to her, or for her to do to me. So there was the crucible of it all. When i say she left me, she is still with me as a friend, but she needed to leave me to find this "thing" and element to make her feel complete.

right before it all came to a head i had started to look back on time spent with her and had such a good feeling. I just became very endeared and felt this is someone i could love for sure. She had much trouble and was in tears about us not going to make it in the long haul.
I knew she felt very special about me and that i was in most ways the perfect guy for her, but in that small but most critical way i was not. And it was then she realized she needed to find a lover who matched her in that way. That man could then be possibly the "one" for her.

Now, we are trying to negotiate the friendship thing, as we both realized that there is a certain rightness in knowing the other and respecting where ever each person has to go.
I also find it very excruciating to think of her with another man fufilling her in the ways she deeply wanted but that of course it is not me. To think of her having joined a group specifically to meet potential other people who play. And yet i think of it as liberating as well that someone could have always been looking for something and finding a haven where like minded people go. To have to step out and take a chance...I admired that. I believe in the individual first and foremost. If a person can't be themselves then there isn't much left...She was just awesome as a person. I hadn't had that much happiness with a person just doing nothing in particular in a long time. So although there are people i could date, know would want to date me, I just want to lay low for a bit...build back myself up into a proper mindset. Or else anyone else i date now wouldn't be given a fair chance to see what i'm really about...nor would i be able to see who they are but rather them helping me forget something...so i'll stay solo for a bit...

anyhow, all the ingredients of internal drama are here...jealousy, passion, compassion, love lost, insight gained...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 6:11am

Cheers halpatrick,

Bellina Fair here, you seem quite intelligent,interesting and charming.You say
you're life is great,know musicians,creative people,etc..How long do you know
this gal friend? She must be very liberal free-spirited and into S & M? Despite
your friendship for her,can you truly be comfortable in her choices de L'amour of
whips,roughness,rubber,etc? She seems to be a trifle bit kinky in her sexual exploits,
perhaps her personality reflects somewhat different. If you really like her and
desire to be with her,perhaps you can draw out a more demure tamer kitten.You
may not want to change her,but if you feel more than friends for this person,I
would express that you prefer more traditional passions in the bedroom,Patrick.
If not hope you find a more refined lady to be your enchantress in and out of
the candlelit lights and satin sheets! You will find everything your looking for,compassion,intelligence,attractiveness,sensuality and someone who compliments your true personality.Hope you'll find your significant other very soon,luv. Funny you also
share the namesake of someone I'm very much smitten with on every level,his
sensitivity,spirituality,intelligence,love of family,charities,sportsman,
music lover,etc.. We're friends for now,who knows a few months,only time
will tell where our hearts may go! You deserve more too despite your
present need for independance. Love shared is much more exciting., Best wishes,Bellina