Shld n can i hv him back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Shld n can i hv him back?
3
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 11:14pm
I have a lot of questions tt need to be answered..im really confused..pls help me if possible. thanx.

My boyfriend of abt 1 year dumped me a few months ago. The main reason being we argued a lot and he wanted a happy relationship. (the reason y we argued a lot was mainly because of me) I tot he was a real coward then, taking the easy way out cos he wasnt man enough to tackle the problems between us. In my heart I tot, "Fine, let's see if u can find some girl u'll nva argue with." But I dun feel that way at all now.

Since we broke up till date, we have remained in contact - as frens. We msged and called each other occasionally. Act I was the one who asked him after we broke up whether or not he still wanted to be frens. He said yes.

Throughout these past few months, we have met up several times, sometimes with other friends arnd, sometimes juz the two of us. We act live in diff towns and I would sometimes go to his town to visit my sister, who's living there. Whenever im there, he would ask me out, exclusively. I tot this wasn’t a good idea initially – me n him alone – but my frens told me it’s ok, no big deal. N so I met up with him. When we were alone, he acted like how he was when he was tryin 2 get with me. he was very flirty n physical. He tried a number of times to get close to me but I rejected his advances. He made comments abt our past – what we did 2gether n all tt. He commented also on my appearance – sumthin he had nva done when we were 2gether as a couple. He still seemed very protective of me. Is he still interested in me or am I reading too much into this?? Im really confused as 2 wat he’s trying 2 do. Y is he leading me on if he’s not interested?? I analysed (maybe over-analysed) the situation n tot he still had feelings 4 me (of which im not sure now). But I was thinkin also tt maybe he juz wanted 2 get physical w me without any emotional obligations / attachments. I tot he was too big a coward to wan to commit and admit his feelings 4 me. I may be wrong. I really dunno..

I waited 4 him 2 say sumthin but he didn’t. I was disappointed, confused, hurt and upset. I din understand y he made advances 2 me but now act as though nothing has happened. Y?? I got emotional n msged him, telling him tt I wont contact him anymore and tt he’ll nva hear from me again. I gave e excuse tt he doesn’t reply my msgs. It turns out , to my surprise, tt he wans 2 be my fren really badly. He called ad apologised 4 not replying n he said he’ll msg me from then on. Y does he care so much abt our friendship?? Does it matter whether or not we’re frens?? Since he wans 2 keep our friendship so badly, then tt must mean sumthin??

The thing is, I am hopin n dreaming tt we would be more than frens again. It may be real foolish of me to think tt such a day would come but I do believe tt if we do get back together again, tings would be betta. I know I’ve made mistakes in the past and I realise tt he’s all I ever wanted. I juz wana give us another try. Is tt wrong?? Isit wrong 2 wan 2 get back into a relationship tt didn’t work out e first time? I know it didn’t work out b4 cos I din try hard enuff. Cant I hv another chance at making tings betta n tryin again 2 make it work? Coz I know if I tried, it’ll definitely work out. U may tell me, dun waste time on someone who doesn’t even hv feelings 4 u. But e ting is I know he still cares 4 me, if not a lot, at least a lil. I dun wana give up on a relationship knowing tt I din try hard enuff. Most of all I dun wana give up on a guy like him. Am I too naïve?

If he doesn’t hv feelings 4 me, shld I still befriend him?? If befriending him is making me fantasize abt getting back together with him some day, den shld I end our friendship now?? I duno when will my feelings 4 him fade but will it be easier 4 me if we r not frens anymore? But the problem is I still wana be frens with him. I dun feel like losing a fren like him but I cant stop thinking of being back together. Im really confused I dunno wat 2 do!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 2:18pm

Of course you can't get over him, because you never let him go.


I wouldn't read ANYTHING into his attempts to get physical with you, or his complimenting you, or his apologizing to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 10:03pm
Thanx lots jajalel...So there is absolutely no chance in us getting back together? I cant have the chance of mending things n having another go? I've had my chance but i blew it n now it's too late? Is it really too late? Maybe if i talked to him abt working things out, maybe den he'll reconsider??
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 3:57pm

Of course there's no way for me to know with any certainty that you won't get back together.

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