Shocked & Flabbergasted.
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| Mon, 06-21-2004 - 12:33pm |
Hi, my name is Olga and I wrote a couple of weeks ago with the problem:
My BF kept telling me his friends told him things I did or say I felt I could never do or say. Something like pushing him, his friends, or being rude to other people, I felt I was loosing my mind.
Also, he is the kind that whenever there is littlest bump in the relationship he immediately wants to break the relationship even though he say he loves me very much. I am very confused about this, we are both in our early 30s and I thought we could solve some of our bumps without going to such drastic measures, especially if we are in love and I know love does not come by very often.
Last Wed, we broke up again, over what you ask ? well the morning started out strangely enough, he accused me of wishing my co-workers to die in the car accident the night before when I came over to his house to help him clean and wash his windows. This was all by email sent to my work, I told him I would not only say such a thing, I would not even think that, and where the hell is he getting all this stuff from ?
Then he invited me to go visit some places and by the way, he mentioned, he was invited to a wedding Sept. the 4th and wanted me to come with him, the problem was I had a wedding to go to at work which was scheduled for Sept. the 5th, my mangers are getting married, I am new at work and I felt I might have to go even though I have not accepted the invitation yet. I asked him to wait till the week-end for me to give him the answer since I wanted to see how many of my co-workers are going. He said he had to have an answer right then and there. Then he wrote me a nasty email retracting his invitation and saying that he didn’t want me to go with him, and that when I am trying to please other people I am hurting him and I really do things for myself and myself only even though I am saying I am trying to please even painting his windows according to him I was doing to please myself. I was shocked and did not know what to say. An hour later he sent an email with an apology and asked to meet, which means in his terms is breaking-up again.
I do not understand what I did wrong, I wasn’t asking for diamonds or calling him names, I was asking for an extension on the decision.
I refused to go meet him and he wrote in an email that all of a sudden he felt we are too different people, we think differently and even though we mesh well in some areas in others we don’t, he feels I am a Fantastic person, He is 100% in love and it will take him a very long time to stop thinking about me every day, in fact he feels I am so Fantastic that he wants to be great friends with me because he doesn’t like loosing fantastic people from his life. He even was going to show off with flowers to break it off because he wanted me to have good memory of him.
I am seriously confused, we’ve been together for a year, couldn’t he figured out in all this time that we are too different ? even if we are he always told me we had a fantastic time together. I was there for him when he needed me, I am hot (as he tells me) and we had great intimate life. What else could a guy want ? Some might say that he was planning to break it off for whatever reason long before that and used the wedding as an excuse, but than why invite to go travelling with him in the morning and an hour later there is a break off ?
May be one side note might help in forming the opinion, he says he desperately want to find someone to get married to and have kids with because he adores children, he is always ins serious relationships to try find that person, he had 8 of them before me and all of them seem to last for about a year, no more. So I guess now that we broke him he has 9 previously failed relationships, but if a guys seriously wants to get married why break off loving relationships seemingly over nothing at all ?
What do you think, does the secret of happy relationships lies in being very similar to each other and think along the same lines ? mind you he had a girlfriend right before me that was identical to him in every way, he never loved her, so it didn’t seem to help much.
Appreciate any response and insight into this very confusing matter. Do you know of anyone who dealt with this kind of thing before ?
Olga.

First, why would you even want to continue a relationship with this guy? He seems completely messed up. He's either making things up about you, or someone else is. If he trusts you, he wouldn't believe anything other people say. 8 failed relationships prior to you would be a "red flag" to me. It sounds like his thoughts and actions are all over the place. This sounds like a very emotionally abusive relationship. Stand up for yourself, don't take it. Say goodbye, and mean it. It's not healthy.
Yes, we already broke it off, I am surprised he wants to continue this misery through friendship.