short relationship, can we be friends?
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short relationship, can we be friends?
| Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:43am |
Okay, I met this guy online back in August...we talked online all the time before finally meeting in mid-September. We had a great time and the first week, we had 4 dates! This is the first guy that I've ever gone out with more than once so it really was a new and different thing for me. He was the nicest guy I've ever met/gone out with and things were going great, we had a great time going out, in bed, everything...until last week when I got (yes), an e-mail from him telling me that he felt horrible for doing this the way he was, (via e-mail) but he didn't have the courage to bring it up in person, but he couldn't go on anymore without telling me that well, he liked me, liked spending time with me, but just didn't feel a romantic connection with me. At first, I was angry, wrote him back and said that I deserved more of an explanation and I had some stuff at his place that I needed to pick up and he wrote me back and again, apologized for how he had done that, but he went into more details and said that well, it felt more like friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. Then I got to thinking about it, and yeah, he was kind of right, almost like it was too comfortable, but the person that I'm looking for in a relationship, I want him to be my best friend. Isn't that what we're all looking for? Anyway, I saw him on Saturday to get my stuff, talk, etc., and things went really well. It felt just like it always did, except we didn't make out this time :) We talked about how much fun we have together and we agreed that we would stay friends, and I felt really good about the whole thing. I mean, I'm still upset but I'm glad that it happened 2 months into the "relationship" rather than 6 months down the road or even later. Especially because he was the first guy I've really "dated" (I'm 26) it's hard to deal with but I honestly do want to be friends with him, because we do have such a good time together. We talked a little bit after I saw him but now I haven't heard from him and I know what everyone is telling me is true, that I should cut him out of my life, don't give him the time of day, etc., but isn't it worth it if I get a really good friendship out of the deal? I'm not going to contact him for a little while so we can both sort through things, etc., but does anyone have some advice on how to get through this? It's been so long since I've cried over a guy, it's tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.


Absolutely, you can be friends, assuming that both of you sincerely WANT to be friends, and that both of you are over any romantic feelings towards the other person. Generally, getting over romantic feelings takes spending some time apart with no contact, but since you weren't involved for all that long, this probably won't take more than a month or two of no contact.
What I would do is let him know that you'll be back in touch once you're ready to be friends. The test of whether you're ready: imagine that you call him, and he's all excited to meet you for lunch and tell you all about this great new woman he's met. If you're nothing but happy for him, then you're ready to be friends.
Sheri