Shoud I say anything?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Shoud I say anything?
3
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 3:10pm
My guy friend is coming down to my state to visit me this weekend. I’m so excited to see him, as it’s been 9 months since we’ve seen each other. The last time we saw each other was actually the first time we met. I initially “met” him on Yahoo! Personals last May. We met face to face last June. Over the past 9 months we’ve kept in touch via phone….there was a period when we didn’t talk for nearly two months because we’d had a disagreement. I've gone back and forth about whether or not I even want to pursue a romantic relationship with him. Our lives are so full now: he'll be starting Law school in the Fall and I'm currently in Grad school. Also, there's not guarantee that we'll be living in the same state in the near future. Nonetheless, we talk nearly every day. So, here’s the issue: in anticipation of him coming down here, he’s been asking me questions like: “are we going to cuddle and kiss?” I laughed it off, because that’s not really what I’m thinking about. I told him that that’s not something I can plan…if it happens, fine…if not, fine. Of course, it’s crossed my mind, though. I’ve been celibate for nearly two years and I plan to remain celibate until I marry; my friend is aware of this. However, when I met him, we did kiss, so that may have made him anxious for more. So, my question is this: do we need to discuss the fact that there will be no physical intimacy when he comes here? Kissing is ok; however, I haven’t even seen him in 9 months. Also, he and I are not in a relationship. Or, should I just wait until he comes, and if things move too far, let him know then? We’re both adults, so it shouldn’t be an issue….However, I want our weekend to be about us catching up and having fun, NOT about anxiety over getting physical.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 3:31pm
I wouldn`t plan a home date here. Maybe suggest a night out for dinner and theatre.Also ask him if he needs you to call a local hotel to set reservations for a place for him to spend the night or possibly email him a list of local hotels.Make it clear that an over night visit is NOT being offered. If he doesn`t take the hint from that than a gentle reminder of your standards on intimacy are in order. Good Luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 7:37am
I guess if it was me I would wait until he tried something and then just say "whoa, you are moving too fast for me!" If you mention it before he does anything then it will be like you are almost accusing him of something he hasn't done. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 9:05am

I have no idea wht this guy is expecting. Your expectations and his expectations might be completely different. I short discussion over the phone might put everything in perspective for both you. Just paraphrase what you have told us here and it will explain your position.

Now, if your guy friend is thinking that he is going to spend a weekend in the sack with you, then he will be set straight. Don't be surprised if he suddenly comes down the the flu.