Shoudn't have but have!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Shoudn't have but have!
5
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:45pm
Okay, so I met this guy and I made a mistake. But I can't turn back time and undo things right? So, please advice me on what I should do about it! Here's the story!

I recently met this guy who was (and I am not sure about now) crazy about me and completely attracted to me. We got along pretty well and have few things in common. He's really intelligent and is a good conversationalist and maybe, a little shy as well. Has a good profession (a lawyer), comes from a good family background, well knowledgeable and sweet.

We have a few friends in common as well. Unfortunately, a girlfriend of mine knows him and has told me some bad stuff about him. And the things she told me, I found it hard to believe as he looks really decent and all that. But being a street wise person, I wouldn't want to judge a book by its covers either. And I don't really trust what she has told me but wanted to see and find out for myself as well. The only thing that I did wrong was that I told him some of the things that people has said about him (I did not mention any names but made it general).

He was flabbergasted by the rumors and sorta acted differently to me after that. Despite the fact that I told him that I don't believe in what others has to say but I know its still in his mind.

Now, I find myself attracted to this guy. But becoz of what I have informed him about the rumors, he's backed off a little and I don't know what to do.

He's a good potential as a boyfriend. Seriously! And I don't know how to make him turn around and come back to me. We're not in a relationship at the moment, but what I've told him has sorta screwed things up a little.

Please tell me what to do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 1:21pm
Dont do anything, let him come to you. If he's really interested, he'll come back. Look at it this way, a guy who's really into a girl wouldnt back out just because a girl smiled and said 'oh I heard some things abt you, whats up with that?'. Sounds weird to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 7:00pm

The first question is: are you at all concerned that this rumor could be true?

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 1:58am
Supposedly, I half heartedly believed in the rumors but I still try to give him the benefit of the doubt. As for my girlfriend, maybe she just heard one side of the story but not the complete one. I don't know and I've decided not to pursue on the topic anymore.

I guess it might have hurt his ego a little and that was a mistake I have made. But I can't do anything about it except to see if he's still keen? So, I should back off then?

Terrible mistake I have made but admitted to it as well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 8:45am
Well, you told him that you didn't believe the rumors, right? I think you can tell him that you told him these rumors not because you think they're true - he's a terrific person and you like him a great deal - but because, even though you were afraid it might affect how he feels about you (they always shoot the messenger), you felt he should know exactly what is going on. He also has a right to know exactly who is saying these things.

He needs to feel you are on his side.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 1:50pm
Hi Sherry!

Thanks for advicing me! Well, I really don't know what are my friend's intentions of telling me all those nasty stuff about him but I really think that they got it all wrong and they might have just heard one side of the story!

I really like this guy...he's really nice and sincere so far that I know him.

Saw him this evening! And he actually remembered exactly how long we have know each other from tomorrow onwards! Should've seen my face when he told me. I completely lost count of how long we've known each other! And he wants to celebrate at the same place where we met tomorrow!

Sometimes, I feel that I have lost touch with the "dating game" as I was in a long relationship for awhile and haven't met any new potentials. Advice me how should I go about with this guy pls? I really don't want to lose this potential guy. I think it can work out if it really does happens!