Should this bother me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Should this bother me?
2
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 7:52am

I’m gonna try to be brief: I’ve been chatting with this guy now for about a week. I met him about two months ago at this lounge/ club-type place I go to with my girlfriends maybe once or twice a month; he works there as a bouncer. Prior to us exchanging numbers, he would always flirt with me, but never make a move. I never said anything either, as I’m just not the kind of person to approach guys. So, on like my fifth visit there, he finally spoke to me. I later found out that my friend said to him, “why don’t you talk to my girl anymore…” We exchanged numbers the Friday before last (7/6) and have talked on the phone maybe four times since. He’s extremely busy and we haven’t been able to get together yet. He works like three jobs and has two kids. I’m pretty busy too, in that I work full time, am in Grad school, but have no children. I’m more flexible, though.

Anyway, we talked on the phone yesterday for like an hour and a half, conversation was good. At the end of the call, I asked him, out of curiosity, if he would’ve ever said anything to me if my friend hadn’t said anything to him, or if he would’ve just kept flirting. I wish I hadn’t asked him that…it was stupid. I was just curious, I guess. Well, his response was: “I would’ve continued to speak to you..my flirting was harmless.”
It kinda made me feel insecure, like he wasn’t really interested but only talked to me because he knew that I was interested. Granted, it was him who asked me for my number and him who initiated contact with me. However, it stings a bit that he implied that he probably would not have approached me in that way hadn’t it been for my friend.

Should this bother me or am I way overthinking things?




Edited 7/16/2007 7:54 am ET by mali2579
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 10:26am

There are a couple of things going on here: 1)your friend decided to intercede and sometimes that is a good thing but sometimes it is not because you want to see what a person is made of 2)he doesn't seem like someone who would be a good fit for someone like you because of his lack of free time and kids

I think he was being honest with you when he said “I would’ve continued to speak to you..my flirting was harmless.” The way I see things, if someone really wants you then they do what it takes to initiate contact. Many men feel that they dont have to go out of their way anymore because many women do make the first move these days. But when a guy has to be prodded to initiate contact then chances are he will continue to need to be prodded throughout the relationship about other issues as well. First impressions do count to some extent - so you are not far off in being concerned about his participation in any relationship with you.

It would bother me as well. No question is stupid. And I'm sure there are other guys out there who interest you or are interested in you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 11:10am

You are putting too much energy toward this - take a deep breath, no several, and go do something fun. He is the one who initiated and did spend alot of time on the phone with you - no one twisted his arm.

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