Should a gal pursue a guy??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2003
Should a gal pursue a guy??
3
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 5:42pm
What are your thoughts on this? I've always heard a man won't be interested unless he pursues the girl. I have a crush and I asked him out to dinner (very casually b/c he's also my guitar instructor - same age as me, though) and he said yes, but ended up cancelling and saying he "had some stuff come up but maybe sometime in the future." I'm thinking that's a bad sign & he's trying to be nice about it, but did I make a mistake in asking?

He seems like he could be a little shy about women, which is why I decided to take the initiative. Since then we've had a lesson and things are normal - part lesson, part joking around or talking. Should I just forget about him as far as dating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 7:26pm
In my opinion and experience, guys prefer to do the pursuing. But everybody is different and every situation is different. The fact that you were the one who asked this particular guy out doesn't necessarily mean that he was "turned off," and that's why he broke your date. He truly could have had something come up. However, since he was the one that broke the date, it is now on HIM to reschedule. You should NOT call him or make any more overtures. The ball's in his court.

But you've got another element going here... this is your guitar instructor. You might have misinterpreted his friendliness or attentiveness to you as a student, as romantic interest. If he hasn't brought up going out with you again, I would take that to mean that he isn't interested in dating you. I think it might be better to think of him strictly as your music teacher, and leave it at that.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 7:48pm
I think with few exceptions it is not effective to pursue a man in the beginning of a relationship. Certainly, if a man were sincerely interested he would jump at the chance to accept a woman's invitation to dinner - I think the signs are clear that his interest in you is slight/lukewarm at best, sorry. I don't buy the "shy" excuse as I've been asked out by many painfully shy men. If a man is that shy that his strong level of interest cannot overcome his shyness enough to ask me out for coffee then there would be no point at all - someone that painfully shy would not be compatible with me in a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 9:21pm

Actually, there is no right or wrong. As has been said, everyone is different. What is important is for you to do what you think best and what feels vomfortable for you. If it turns out to be a mistake you will learn from it and if it turns out to be a success you will thank yourself.


I wouldn't take his cancellation as an end to it all. Play it by ear (pardon the musical pun) and as you get to know him better you will have a better idea of what style suits him as well as you. Then, go from there...


tg