Should he have bought me something TOO?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Should he have bought me something TOO?
10
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 5:51pm
I have been going out with my bf for about 3.5 month till now. He went to a business trip to overseas once before. It was not long - only about several days. He didn't buy me anything but he bought some little things for himself like some good alcohole. I didn't say anything coz I thought it was only a short trip & he didn't have time. About one week ago, he went to overseas again for one week. I bought him a cuflink before he went. He did say that he didn't have time to buy me present when he just saw after he came back. I said it was ok. But, I saw two duty free bags when he was unpacking. One was the alcohole he bought for himself. He didn't open the other bag. I checked the bag & it was day & night cream. I didn't say anything at that time. I am not worried that he is seeing anyone else. I think he is quite trustworth. I guess he might buy that for his mum or whoeve. It doesn't matter. I am just thinking if he should have bought me something TOO. (Oh, he did. - a chocolate!)If he doesn't have time to buy me present, how come he can buy things for others & himself? I am questioning how important I am in his heart? I want to talk about this with him. What do you think? It is not about the prsent or money. It is about what he thinks about me? His b'day is coming. I am going to celebrate him a special happy b'day. After that, I am going to talk about it? Any advice is very much appreciated! I put this discussion in general discussion by mistake. Sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 6:17pm
I think that 3.5 months is NOT that long to expect a present from your BF. It's possible that he might be dating other women and has not decided who he likes best. The chocolate bar he bought, though, shows how interested he is you: casual interest. I woudn't bring this issue back, as he's not obligated to bring you a present. He apparently did it out of courtesy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 6:46pm
Thanks for your reply. But I don't think he is just having casual interest with me. We spent every weekends together, he calls me every night, we went to have a whole week holiday together, he paid all the accommodation for me, he bought me expensive b'day present (pearl necklace), he pushed me to see his dad & his dad's wife before he went to the business trip. Does all these mean anything? I think that's something I should poited out for him & told him that is wrong. If he thinks me only worth of the choclate, I won't waste my time. What do u think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 6:47pm

you worried about him buying a day and night cream?? LOL I'm sorry but that does not sound like a romantic gift in the least. I think it could have either been for his mom or somebody maybe sister or friend asked him to buy it for them.

I would defintely prefer the chocolate than that :) I mean what did you expect him to buy you? Perfume? Does he know your tastes? You have been dating for a little while maybe he just didn't know what to get you, and chocolate well almost EVERYBODY enjoys that ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 9:09pm
Well, given that he took you to a trip, paid for the accomodations and gave you a pearl necklace the chocolate bar seems very little. Was this in the begining of the relationship? If it was then he wanted to impress you. What did you expect him to bring you? Three months are just 90 days, you're ending the "infatuation" phase and entering another one, where you can see what's he's really about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 10:50pm
So, you are still suggesting that I shouldn't talk about this with him. He is going another business trip for three days. One day after he came back, I am going away for a three weeks holidays. I will definately get something for him after my holidays. Do you think I should wait & see after my holidays? Pls help. I want to find out as early as possible if he just has casual interest. To be honest, I don't feel so. I feel he will ask me to go to his family dinners after I came back from my holidays. His sister from overseas & his brother from other city will be in the dinner. And of course, his parents. I would like him to know that is not about money. It is not coz the choclate is cheap. It shows that I don't have weight in his heart now. The trip was just before his business trip. So, it was about 2 weeks ago.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 2:47am

If you measure a man's interest in you based on the presents he buys you when out of town - then you may have a superficial view of relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 6:17pm
No, it is definitely not what I mean if you think I only refer to the prsent. But, I do understand what you said. I guess if I whine this & he will think of it like you. So, I take your advice. Not whine about this. I think I should find a better way to let hime know that I need him to ensure me that he care about me most which I do believe so. Any advice? Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 7:02pm
Dear,I think you're putting too much weight on the presents issues. Spiceman has told you what he thinks and I have too, so what other advice do you want? Perhaps, there will be another person who will say "yes, ask him why he didn't he buy you an expensive/much larger gift to measure with the pearl necklace he gave you for your B-day dinner". He gave you a chocolate bar which can mean that he thinks of you as a sweet person or else. Don't read too much into it and drop it. Be glad that he thought of you while away and bought you a little detail. By the way, if you plan on giving him a present that is more than what he gave you, you might make him feel bad or, worse, he might think you're trying to preassure him into committing for life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 7:15pm
Thanks. I c now. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 7:22pm
If you are still worried about how he feels about you, bring it up. Trust me, if you let it keep bothering you, it will be much worse in the end. Why don't you say something to him like, I really like you and I don't want to be with anyone else...how about you? That will at least let you know where you stand with him.


 


Photobucket