Should I accept his invitation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Should I accept his invitation?
4
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 5:32pm
I have a bit of a dilemma...I met the man of my dreams, only problem is he lives far, far away from me. Right around the time we started talking, I met someone else and we've gone out to eat a couple times but so far it's just been a casual thing. At first I was interested in him romantically, but as things developed with the long distance guy, I decided I couldn't be more than friends with the other person.

Well, long distance guy and I have gotten pretty serious over the past couple weeks (he came to visit me and we've talked about being together as a couple) and I don't want to do anything that will jeapordize my relationship with him. However, the other guy recently asked me to see a movie with him and I would like to keep him as a friend but I feel that I've already given him the impression that I'm interested by going out to eat with him - would it be wrong to see a movie with him and just make sure it stays platonic, ie. if he tries to take it further, tell him I'm not able to pursue anything with him? I don't see anything wrong with us doing things together as friends but I don't know if it's a bad idea or what.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 5:37pm
Excellent question because as a guy I have been in that spot. Either way will be unsatisfying to your friend. See the movie, pay for your admission to it and tell him later that nite how you feel about it all. Be kind.

Now will you answer my question under "Advice please?"

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 6:16pm
I would let him know that you're involved with someone and just want to be platonic friends *before* you go to the movies with him. That way, if he's not interested in friendship, he can bow out gracefully without feeling like he's been mislead as to your intentions.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-28-2004 - 10:50am
Isnt always the way, feast or famine!! I have been in that situation more than once, and i have always followed my heart. But as i get older, i have realized that sometimes we need to slow down and wait things out. First of all, the "great" guy lives far away, right? how far? Are you willing to accept that distance will come up at some point and you may not be able to get together as often as you like? That can be frustrating. however, i know me, and if i really like someone i will put in the effort. But theres the situation with the other guy. take everyone and everything slowly. Keep going on dates casually. at the very least you will make a new friend. dont close one door so quickly right now. untill you have established a routine and a commitment with the far away guy, keep going on your dates casually. sometimes we rush to quickly with a guy and in the process we loose another. take it all slow. like i said before, the movie guy can become a friend down the road. see what happens in the next few weeks, but dont put all your eggs in one basket just yet. in time, you will feel what is right and you should follow your intuition then........good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 08-28-2004 - 11:46am
Until you and long-distance-guy (LDG) have discussed dating exclusively, you are not hurting his feelings by dating other people. As long as you are honest with the in-town guy about your feelings, you can continue to hang out with him -- and even date other people! I agree with Sheri -- too often women will put all their eggs in one man's basket too soon.