should I ask about his ex or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
should I ask about his ex or not?
3
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 3:16am

I just started seeing this guy a few weeks ago and we have hit it off really great and he seems pretty serious about me given the amount of time. His last relationship ended early last year, and I am sure he is over it, but it was a 3 year relationship.

I'm curious as to why they broke up, because I think it could tell me a lot about him and what I may be getting myself into. Maybe I am way off base, but a long term relationship is a big part of a person's past (I have my own) and it really changes how you act in relationships.

Would it be bad to ask before we take things to the next level?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 8:26am

seya79...

Pianoguy suggests that you "focus" on the man first. If his personality, interests and grooming habits are acceptable and compatible to what you want, you can always bring up the 3 year relationship at a later time.

The biggest mistake many women make during a new relationship is trying to get "all the dirt about a breakup" too soon. Many men haven't completely gotten over a divorce or separation, so they're not particularly thrilled about going into details about the incident!

So if you have doubts because you NEED to know everything now...or you don't want to invest a lot of your time in this gentleman...make it clear that you want to maintain a good friendship, but that the two of you AREN'T EXCLUSIVE!

Over time...you'll know when the time is right to bring up the subject concerning HIS SPLIT from the former g/f!

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 1:14pm

I personally think it's best not to ask and to let the conversation develop naturally over time. If you stay with him long enough, it will come out. I'm not a big fan of sharing a lot of detail about past relationships. It's not the current partner's business and can create unnecessary jealousy. But when it comes it small doses, germaine to another topic you're discussing, I think it's fine and natural.

But, if you are worried that he's not over her, that is a question I would ask before taking it to the next level. It doesn't need to be a long discussion, but that's something it is your business to know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 2:22pm

If it's just curiousity driving you, then I would not ask him. Many men I know hate when women dig into their past and appreciate the women that give them the space to bring it up. Now, if it's because you think he's still hung up on her, then that's a different story.


Which one is it for you?