Should I ask him or should I not??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2005
Should I ask him or should I not??
3
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 9:39am

Dear advisor,

I have a question that has long been on my mind and I need to hear your advice from your personal experience in relationships. I am currently attracted to a man who has recently got out of a long term relationship, we’ve seen each other a couple of times, and he was the one to purpose the first date, or maybe meeting? Well the question is, I don’t really know if we are “dating” or just seeing each other as a friend to friend relation, rather than a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship! I thought about asking him, but I am still quite afraid of this step, as I am not sure what to expect as an answer! So should a woman ask a man of what kind of relationship they are having? I mean, I have the right to know! I really like him, and I feel there is chemistry between us.

Also, he often tells me “thank you for your kindness and for your help or for being good to me” and this drives me mad! Lol Could you tell me what that means??? Is it a good thing or a bad thing?

There is an amount of respect and appreciation between us. We haven’t kissed yet. Little details about him is that he’s comes from different background than I am and language sometimes can be a barrier, so I can’t completely get his thoughts! Aaand, he lives far away from where I am, so we meet halfway.
Please let me know what you think! I am desperately in need for an advice

Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 3:53pm
Rather than asking what is going on which can be a little confrontational you could ask whether he feels he is ready for a new relationship and what his dating objectives are. If he tells you that he is not ready for a new relationship then you know where you stand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2005
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 8:27pm

You make a good point! I don't want to scare him away.

So suppose I decided not to ask him what kind of relationship is this, but what if he gets the impression that I just want to be friends? How do I make it clear to him that it's the opposite?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 11:39am
Hopefully, your indirect inquiry will open up an honest discussion. Once things start being discussed you can tell him what is on your mind and be very honest.