Should I ask him what he's thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Should I ask him what he's thinking?
4
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 9:41pm

I really like this guy that I have been seeing for almost three months now. This is the first time I really felt something for a guy (definitely no love yet, of course). He was introduced to me by my friend and a bit younger than me. (I am 27.) He is in city temporarily for a project and it will end in a month. Both of us have not expressed how we felt about each other since we are shy. We meet up once every other week and keep in touch during meanwhile. But I can't help sense some hesitation on his side. He has been returning to his home city more often now on weekends. I am wondering if he is holding back because he knows that he is leaving or am I completely wrong to think that he likes me also?? (Maybe he is just not that into me?) He mentioned several times that he would like to find his next project here in NY if possible. But he is not sure how likely that is. Whenever this topic is mentioned, I would not say much because I feel that it would be unfair for me to keep him here and we did not make a committment to each other yet. I know that he is still exploring his career and needs to think about what to do next. If he finds a project he wants here in NY, that would be great. But he can't or does not like any of the projects in NY, I will respect his decision. My real questions is if he feels the same about me and if he would like to try to have a relationship despite that he might be leaving. If he doesn't, I'd like to know. I am planning to email him to tell him what has been on my mind and ask him those two questions. I will say that I understand he will need sometime to think it over, but please don't make me wait too long for his answer either.

Does everyone think this is a good idea? I don't want to ruin what we have by doing this. But I feel that it is necessary to get this out in the open so that I don't keep wondering what he is thinking.

Thanks for reading this long message! Your advice is appreciated!




Edited 11/20/2004 9:51 pm ET ET by magnolia2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 10:03pm

Hi there,

I think communication is key in any relationship...be it romantic or friendship. It does not help your situation to remain silent and just "wonder". So I do suggest talking to him, not e-mailing him. It's always better to really assess how a person feels if you talk to them in person. Before you decide to talk to him, you should prepare yourself for either outcome...good or bad. Just be honest...and whether he's into you or not...what matters is really yourself. It takes courage to "take a chance" on someone...so just try and see what happens. Either way, you'll be glad to know sooner than later.

Also, be tactful in your approach...don't do the "nice girl" approach of being clingy and then throwing out the phrase "what are you thinking?" Guys hate that. So do talk to him but be confident in yourself whatever the outcome.

good luck :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 1:14am
maybe talking about it over coffee would be a better choice than email?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 4:42pm

Thank you for the advice! Talking to him in person was definitely what I had in mind first. But whenever I see him, I just can't bring myself to say anything. And after thinking about it for so long, my courage to talk to him started to slip away. On top of that, I don't get to see him too often and just do not want to drag it out anymore. I am also worried that if I talk to him in person, I will be putting him on the spot and he will feel pressured to answer me right away. (If he needs time to think, I will understand.) But I do agree that seeing how he responds in person will truly show how he feels. I just wish I had met him earlier so that we would have built a more solid foundation. That way I'd be more sure of what we have.

I will try to wait until I see him next time to talk to him. I will be ready to accept whatever his answer may be. Wish me luck and thanks again!




Edited 11/21/2004 5:20 pm ET ET by magnolia2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 11:56pm
I don't think that you shpuld email him. This type of thing you should ask him about in person, it's more of a personal thing. If you don't see him then atleast call him and tell him how you feel, but don't make it seem like there's a lot of pressure on him. Just make sure that you let him know how you feel and let him know what you want to know..without seeming too anxious or desperado.