Should I be concerned?...
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| Tue, 04-24-2007 - 4:38pm |
The guy that I am currently dating told me some things, that concerns me regarding his personality. First, we met on an online dating site. He tells me that he logs onto that site primarily to return messages and to check on me to see when and how often I've logged on...
Second, he told me that he has trust issues, and that his last relationship ended because he was suspicious that the girl was talking to other guys on the dating site and he had one of his friends put up a phony profile and contact her to see if she would take the bait. She did, and he ended it.
Third, he says he has issues with his woman/gf looking at and checking out other guys when she is with him, and if he sees that she is checking out a guy, he will eventually terminate that relationship.
Fourth, he says he doesn't earn much but is happy with what he earns and his lifestyle and if he has any hint that a woman he's with will start to look down on him or have a problem with his earnings, he will end it real quick, before she does...
His last relationship of 8 years ended because she embarrased him in front of her children (he has none) when she pulled rank on him in front of the children and reversed his discipline decision thus embarrasing him. He said, he left...From what I understand there was no counseling and not much discussion. He said the next day, she found him flipping through apartment rental magazines and she said, "what are you doing?" and he said, "I'm leaving."
He seems like such a nice guy, but...I'm not sure what I think at this point. And he was very frustrated at me on Saturday because I was being a bit of a tease, but that wasn't my intention.

Well, you are dealing with someone who has had alot of disappointment from women and has laundry listed his hurts for you. I don't know why he did that, but he wants you to know upfront what he's like. If he is already checking for your logons then you might want to reconsider dating him. You haven't done anything yet to him for him to be suspicious of you, unless you have and you didn't mention it in the post.
I know that alot of people do not shut down those profiles when they start dating someone unless things look serious, just to keep their options open, which could appear to be ,and is, a threat to someone.
Your post doesn't mention if he is the type to try and work things out. It appears that hejust leaves when he gets hurt without expressing himself to the woman to see if she made an honest mistake or intended to hurt him.
He doesn't like his emotions toyed with, that is why he became annoyed with you. If you are a big flirt or tease, you might want to find another guy.
snafu: "Well, you are dealing with someone who has had alot of disappointment from women and has laundry listed his hurts for you. I don't know why he did that, but he wants you to know upfront what he's like. If he is already checking for your logons then you might want to reconsider dating him. You haven't done anything yet to him for him to be suspicious of you, unless you have and you didn't mention it in the post."
Thanks for your reply. It helps to talk to others to sort these things out. No, I haven't done anything to make him suspicious of me.
snafu: "Your post doesn't mention if he is the type to try and work things out. It appears that hejust leaves when he gets hurt without expressing himself to the woman to see if she made an honest mistake or intended to hurt him."
My impression was that he just leaves. He stated that when he came home one day and found a man living in his house with his then wife, he said, "get the f*** out to the man, then turned to the woman and said, "have your stuff gone by five or you will find it out on the street". Ok, I can understand his reaction in this situation, but it does seem to be a pattern with him just reacting and not staying to work things out. Honestly, again, I understand the above cheating situation, but in a situation less severe, I couldn't handle a man with that kind of attitude about working issues out.
snafu: "He doesn't like his emotions toyed with, that is why he became annoyed with you. If you are a big flirt or tease, you might want to find another guy."
I'm a very loyal and devoted woman when I'm in relationship. I would end a relationship before I considered cheating on my man. About him being teased, yes, I regret that happened, but I don't appreciate his angry sulky response. He knew up front that I was sexually experienced (we've had long talks about this), taking that into account, I felt he should have been more understanding of that fact, and not gotten angry that our night didn't end up in sex even though my actions indicated that I was willing.
Wow!! I'd be worried and would run the other way like ....now. I'd be extremely wary about this guy. He's revealed his real intentions when it comes to dating and you should take them seriously. He's told you what's acceptable in his book regarding women and how he's content with making minimum wage, or money to live without any luxurious stuff. His disciplining his ex's chilkdren is something that he should have never done. He';s a nobody dating the woman and has no say on bhow she raises them.
In all, this man seems controlling and dominant. In the end it's his way or the highway. He doesn't seem to bond or develop healthy relationship with women, because after 8 years of dating he up and left saying "I'm leaving". He may resent how women have treated him and how they want him to change. He's not a healthy candidate for dating or marriage. I'm not even sure if for friendship.
He may be a nice guy, but not every thing that shines is gold.
Edited 4/24/2007 11:27 pm ET by lightandbright
I think that you should reconsider dating this guy. He seems to have a lot of issues with his self image and he also seems to be harboring a lot of insecurities about himself. When you said that he was angry that he didn't get some loving, that shouldn't be. He should be more understanding to you and be mature enough to discuss how he feels with you. If two people have chemistry there is that element of flirting and teasing- he shouldn't be so uptight with you. I think that he has too much personal issues for you to handle based on his reactions to the other women that he dated. Run away from him! He has the signs of being controlling and abusive. All of these are signs that he is. Look for love somewhere else that's my honest opininon. I'm not a man hater but I have had a similar experience and these are the warning sides. At this stage in your life you need to think about a good father to your kids and an emotionally mature mate for you, so get a new man and be happier!
Thanks. And thanks to all of you for the replies and concerns.
I took my time to apologize to him, but still he is angry and rigid. Last night I got a rant from him. I have taken some things out because they weren't appropriate to post on a public message board. His rant is below:
Him: "There is being inexperienced and then there is allowing a guy to touch you all over and you so much as dont even raise a hand to reciprocate on any level. You were not too reluctant to receive my touch...There is nothing i wouldn't do or no place i wouldn't put my mouth/tongue to please u and make u cum..........."
This just wasn't true, I was willing to reciprocate, and I did, I just didn't want to take it all the way, and he was going in that direction, at least in the direction of wanting oral sex that night. All this was done despite his assertions that he did not want to ruin things, so he would not rush me. I needed a little more time. We also had a conversation before this happened,and he told me that he would be irritated with me if I did not at least try to masturbate while we were having sex. I thought that was *my* decision...
He sounds like Alec Baldwin to me...
<<<<....and he told me that he would be irritated with me if I did not at least try to masturbate while we were having sex....>>
Hopefully this behavior will let your brain realize that this guy IS dominant and controlling. His rude and blatant behavior during the fooling around session was uncalled for. He wanted something and he got upset going into rude when he didn't get any.
In time, he'll dictate how many orgasms you have to have when you please yourself in front of him. What a "nice guy". There is a time when a woman has to decide what's diplomatic and what's safe for herself to remain in a relationship.