Should I be worried

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Should I be worried
1
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 8:57pm
Hi,

I apologize if this seems like a novella but I'm not sure what to make of things right now.

So I've been dating this great guy for what will be 3 months next week and it seems like we want to take things slow. We haven't had a talk about us or anything like that. But I'm not sure if he's trying to back away from me, wants me just as a piece of ass or if he's just shy by nature. I don't know if I can articulate what I'm noticing so I think I'm going to try to put my observations about us in list form.

1. I just made a huge and difficult decision to take time off from one grad program and consider doing another grad school instead. When I bring it up, he sometimes seems uncomfortable talking about it (although he has admitted that he isn't one that plays a good cheerleader) yet, when I talk about some of my challenges, he'll say something like who cares what others think or something encouraging.

2. Our dates have been pretty low key lately. Originally, they use to be nightime things like dinner or movie or clubbing but we've been doing some daytime dates too that have been low key. Should I be worried about this or does this mean that we're getting comfortable with each other

3. We ran into an old co-worker on the street today. His co-worker introduced his wife but he didn't introduce me. I didn't say anything but afterwards, he told me that he didn't know the guy very well. I appeared to be upset about him not introducing me to people he knows.

4. He doesn't plan dates in advance. It is kind of a pet peeve of mine that he'll call the day before or the day of and see if I want to do something. Although these dates are pretty casual ones like going to the park or something. I was kind of hinting that I wanted to do something with him for the 4th as he clearly stated that he had no plans but no dice.

Okay, these are my main confusing points about this guy. If you guys could provide me with advice that would be great.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 9:28pm
It sounds to me like you're starting to notice some things about him that may make him incompatible with you. That's part of the dating process. It's usually at about the 3-4 month point that these things start to become noticeable, after you've been going out long enough that you're no longer on your "best date behavior" all the time. I don't think anything you've posted about is a deal-breaker (although that's something you need to decide for yourself), but they definitely bear watching. For instance, if you're a planner, and he's not, that might be something you don't want to live with in a partner.

As for not having had a talk about the two of you, that wouldn't work for me...I only date people who want the same type of r'ship I do (a serious LTR leading to marriage), so I would have brought that up in general on the first couple of dates, to see if we were on the same page. It's something you might consider doing now just to get an idea of what he's looking for (but it's harder to make it general rather than specific at this point, which is why I bring it up early!).

Sheri