Should I buy the wine?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Should I buy the wine?
5
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 11:27pm
Hi...It's me again. I need help. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years and lately it has been pretty rough. We seem to constantly bump heads and last weekend we had a big blow up over the fact that I accidentally broke a wine glass at his house. I left his place and told him it was over and that we needed some space and not to call me anymore! We did not speak or call each other for two days and then he started calling me but I ignored his phonecalls. Then he left a message saying he left his contact lenses at my house and needed them and to please answer his message. So I called him and told him he could come and find his lenses (I honestly did not know if he left them here or not and did not know where to look) So he came over with a gift bag containing an invitation to Saturday night at a beautiful hotel on the beach and dinner at at restaurant of my choice. He said he wanted to do this for us to see if we could re-connect and perhaps re-capture the magic that we had at the beginning of our relationship plus he wanted to celebrate the second anniversary of our meeting. So I thought it was very sweet and that he wanted to really try so I said ok and I have been looking forward to being a little spoiled. He has never done anything like this before and this is going out on a limb for him. So last night he started to tell me about a special bottle of wine he bought his brother for his birthday and said he knew where we could get a bottle for a good price (He is a bit of a wine connesieur)So then he said ...You get the wine... I will get everything else. I happen to know he gets the hotel with his frequent flyer miles ... so he is really only springing for dinner.
Here is my question..... When your boyfriend of two years makes a big gesture such as this and invites you (formally) to dinner and a fancy hotel.... should I accept that I should have to go buy this wine. It is a $60.00 bottle of wine. I can afford it ...he can afford it better than I can. But the price is not the point... This is not the first time he has made a point of me dishing out for part or even all of our date. Most of the time we go dutch and I don't mind but I hate that he expects this. On this particular occasion, shouldn't he just get the whole thing since he invited me and wants to make amends. Should I be expected to get this bottle of wine???? I probably would have gotten a bottle of wine anyway and maybe some other special token of my appreciation ...but for him to make a point of asking has kind taken the wind outta my sails...again...Am I being too sensitive ...what do you guys think????
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 4:29am
If this is eating you up, how it appears to be, then tell him that he should get all things prepared for the big night. However, if you go dutch most of the time and you don't mind it, why do you mind it now? Sure he wants to re-conquer your love and such and he's gotten the trip and hotel paid for so what's 60.00 dollars on your part? The frequent miles here don't really count. Who wouldn't do it that way even if they could pay for it out of pocket?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 12:10pm

magnolia2006...

Pianoguy suggests 2 things:

1. Get over your lousy attitude of "he's getting the hotel because of his frequent flyer miles! All he's paying for IS THE DINNER!" Talk about starting your night off on 'a negative note?' YOU GOT THE INVITATION TO JOIN HIM AT THE HOTEL...CORRECT? So please...either accept his invitation graciously or decline it! I'm sure he'll easily find "a substitute date" if you do the latter?

2. Go into a very good wine store and ask the proprieter: "What inexpensive wine has a bouquet, flavor and taste that's similar to (mention the name of one with the $60.00 a bottle price tag that your b/f is fond of)...that retails for less than $20. or 30.00 a bottle?" I'm sure you'll receive several suggestions? If your budget can afford it, buy 2 different bottles....and bring 'em with you to dinner? Then tell your 'wine connoisseur boyfriend: "since you're buying dinner...I'm buying the wine...and those choice(s) are MINE!"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 1:45pm
Go on the date and bring the wine, even though he only springing for dinner. Then decide if you want to continue to date a cheap guy. ;)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 2:18pm
You are right ...sometimes it takes two to see one and I like that on here someone can be totally honest and tell you that you have a lousy attitude...believe it or not it makes me feel better! About the wine though...he really knows his stuff and so do I, we are big on wines and have spent lots of time in Napa and the European wine regions on tasting tours....it is not the cost of the wine ...I really shouldn't have mentioned the cost, (I can easily afford it) we have had wines that were a lot more expensive. I could never "fool" him with something less...we both know the difference and there is a difference....what I got bent outta shape over is the fact that he invited me on a "make-up weekend" to try to patch things up for his lousy attitude over the last few weeks and then he tells me to get the wine! Which by the way is big with us...the wine is important! And...I would have done it anyway, I always bring wine ... However, under these circumstances, if the tables were turned and I was the one trying to say "sorry" I would make sure that he showed up totally pampered, I would not ask him for a single thing. I have done that in the past. In this case, he asks me to let him try to do something to "re-capture the magic" in our relationship and then he puts me in a position of having to share the responsibilty of the occasion...But thanks anyway I do appreciate your honesty ... you are right about the frequent flyer miles that was petty of me to mention it and you quite rightly pointed that out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 7:23am

magnolia2006...

Just a PS from PG:

Men and women don't always think the same way when it comes to "making up!" Your approach could be totally different from his, but who's to say: "which is better" since it's a matter of personal opinion!

You both know more about wines than I do? As much as I enjoy a 'good red'---I'm more inclined to see if there's any ICE CREAM for dessert?

REALLY GOOD ICE CREAM is a passion with me!

Pianoguy