Should i call

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Should i call
4
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 3:36pm
hI everyone,

I have a question and I need your help...I have recently come back to the dating seen and I met this great guy...took me out on several dates wouldn't let me pay for anything, wanted to do the things I wanted to see plus showed me his hobbies and what he wanted to do. Was the prefect gentleman!!!! Really wanted to get to know me, I never had a guy ask me so many question about my life. On one of our dates he told me he was going away to see some friends and my see this girl he was dating but they were just friends now ( acted like there was nothing to worry about). I called when I got back and he said he couldn't date anymore because of unresolved feeling for her and it wasn't fair to put me through it. I ask him if we could still talk and he said he'll call me sometime..My qusetion is thatin that conversation I was so shocked that this had hapened that I never got to say the things I wanted to say to him I was thinking of call him in about a week or so just to tell him that I really apperciate what he did and that I wish I had a chance to know him better but I understand and I also wanted to say that maybe someday the timing will be right and we can make a go of it again...What should I do? I know he cared but he needs space now, but I don't want him to think I didn't because I did..He was what I want in a guy...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: ineedhelp29
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 4:12pm
I would not call him. He wasn't "everything" you want in a guy, b/c you want a guy who's emotionally available to be in a relationship with you (I hope), and he's not, so let him go. My guess is that even if you didn't verbalize it before it ended, you most likely demonstrated to him during your dates that you liked him and were interested in him. I don't think it's necessary to call and tell him that now, nor would I tell him you hope some day you and he can have another shot. This isn't about you or anything you said or didn't say...it's about him not being over someone else before he even began dating you. To me calling him or saying any of that would seem a little desperate on your part (like you're willing to wait on the back burner like some leftovers). He's not available to date you right now, so move on. At least that's what I would do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
In reply to: ineedhelp29
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 4:12pm
No DONT CALL.

This is so fustrating isn't it? and I know how much its hurting right now.

But, the timing isn't right for you two. No matter how much you call , talk to him, see him... it wont change his heart right now. he must on his own. the BEST way for ihm to do this is without you in his life ta all. sounds opposite of your instincts , right? But its the truth. He needs to see what life is like without you.

If he felt the connection was just as special as you thought it was, then he'll return. But don't expect this. move on with your life so you can start fresh if he does come back.

Count your blessing this is an honest guy and that he didnt lead you on.

Know there is someone out there who will be perfect and the timing will be right.

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
In reply to: ineedhelp29
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 12:37am
Dear OP,

Not that the point needs to be emphasized, but please follow the advice of the previous 2 posters...do not call and this is important before you get in any deeper. There are advantages. You will maintain your dignity. You will become a mystery and may draw him back. This will give you time to re-evaluate your real needs and then if he does come back you can set some healthy boundaries. You are not less than him and you must not settle for less than really fulfills you and makes you feel comfortable. When you hold yourself in high esteem others will. Be firm. Men need to know it's not ok to just throw you a bone every once in awhile like they would an old dog.

Best wishes, Starlight

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
In reply to: ineedhelp29
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 2:31am
hey i know exactley how you feel i'm going through the same thing see'please help very confused' the best thing you can do is nothing don't call him, it will just make you feel worse. and i know how hard it is to resist the urge, but you have to not to prove something to him but to prove something to yourself that you will be okay. and i know how bad it hurts i'm dealing with it everyday, and just let the experience be a life lesson. you said he was what you wanted well at least you know what you want thats more than a lot of people can say so now you just need to find those qualities in an emotionaly availible person. but if absolutly feel you have to talk to him don't call him, if you know anywhere he goes at certian times try to "accidentally" bump into him and make sure he sees you and see if he says anything and just go from there. but if you are planning on calling him be prepared for him to not take your call or another woman to answer the phone or him to just be rude and all of these things will just make you feel worse. besides he probably didn't break up with you just because of feelings for someone else he most likely has a reason to think him and his ex are getting back together. good luck and please let me know how it goes.