Should I call?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Should I call?
4
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 10:21pm
I've been out on the dating scene for a few months now(I hate it!!!). After getting out of a 6 yr relationship 5 months before the wedding(posted Feb20)in which I was the heartbroken one.I've been dating quiet a bit since the break-up but nothing ever worked out. I finally met someone who is sweet & have the qualities I'm looking for in a man. We've went out as a group 3 times (Its been a long time since I've gone out & had a great time) and spoke on the phone a few times. My problem is he lives in VA & I live in NJ. I travel backandforth at least 2x a month. The last time I visited Va he had just gotten out of surgery and didn't feel like having company. I hadn't heard from him in two weeks & started to think he wasn't interested. This past week he called me after I texted him a VERY short message stating that I wished him well after the surgery. He did call me that same night. We spoke for about 1hr the next two days . As we we're saying our goodbyes he asked me to call him at the same time the following day. My question is Should I call him when he asked me to? I don't want him to think I'm desperate (He knows about my ex & my situation) but I also don't want him to think I'm not interested b/c I definitly am interested... I'm just use to playing hard to get with guys. I've been reading WAY too many books on dating & I'm getting confused about "starting" a new relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: aqt72
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 10:32pm
I don't think that I would in your situation...he already knows that you're interested...no one spends an hour chatting to someone unimportant...but I think he's too passive about you. Call me, instead of I want to talk to you tomorrow, when can I call you? It even comes across as cheap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: aqt72
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 7:03am
Call him since you promised, keep the conversation short unless he asks you out specifically and realize he is not interested enough to put in the effort to call you. Make sure you are not giving him the privilege of your company on the phone when he doesn't put in the effort to make plans with you.
Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: aqt72
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 8:39am
I would also suggest calling him as promised, but keeping it short like you have somewhere else to be or do - making him realize that there is other things in your life besides him.

I personally think when people don't call b/c they don't want to sound desperate they are playing games. We analyze ever little detail and situation about dating instead of just going with the flow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
In reply to: aqt72
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 9:11am
Has he been doing most of the calling? If so, I wouldn't over-analyze this. Maybe he just wants to see SOME level of effort from you if he's the one who's been making all of the efforts thus far.

In any event, if you agreed to call him then I agree with the others, go ahead and do it - it's just good manners. And don't follow dating advice books blindly. Think about them and decide what fits with your values and what doesn't. I think that if any book says not to call a guy when you said you would, I would ignore that advice b/c I think it's rude.