Should I call back???
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| Wed, 08-25-2004 - 2:37am |
A couple of weeks ago I've met a guy that asked for my number after spending the whole evening with his friends/ my friends at the bar. He paid for my meal at a diner after the bar and must have asked me at least 5 times for my number. I finally wrote it on his hand. He asked my out to the movies the following day but I told him no and said that we would see each other the following night (Saturday) as we all planned on hanging out again. As he was leaving he said twice, "I'll call you tomorrow"!
He never called!
His friend called my friend and we agreed to meet up with him the following weekend. His friend came alone. After some careful inquiring about "my guy" he said he was out with other friends. "my guy" called his friend several times that evening. He asked to speak to me and we talked for a few minutes. He than decided to come to the same bar we were at. When he arrived, he said that he was worried we had left as he did not see us right away. He immediately apologized for not calling and said that he had carved my number in a bar of soap due to lack of pen and his roomie washed his hands....
He proceeded to talk to me & follow me around all night. At one point we danced together and he said that he normally does not dance and that he hasn't danced in over a year with a girl.
Later, while we were talking he said that he liked me and that I was different, blah, blah. I told him I liked him too and he said that he hoped so. Anyway, he tried to kiss me and I pulled away. He made some comment about being shot down to his friend. He handed me his phone to enter my number but I didn't get the chance because the phone rang....
We went to an after hours party and he invited me to go visit him when he moves. He is leaving the state in a couple of weeks. Later, we did not make out but simply touched lips a couple of times. At that point I told him the reason I turned him down before is that I wanted to make sure he was somewhat sober before kissing me. We cuddled for a while, he told me how pretty I was, that he was glad he came out that night, etc, I said I was happy too AND I said that he could get dangerous! I think that was wrong. He tried to make out with me but I told him no because I did not want to lead him on. Meaning I was not going to sleep with him but I am not sure if he misunderstood! At one point he asked my why I am laughing about him (He dresses a bit different than my friends & I ) and I told him that I am not laughing about him. I am simply always laughing, especially when I am nervous.
When he was leaving, he did not make any attempts to ask me out or say he was going to call, etc. So I took the initiative and asked him if he was going to help my friend move tomorrow (which was previously discussed). He said to call him . He gave it to me and left.
I called him the next day and he never called back. I left a message requesting a call back + my number and his cell was ringing so my number should have been on his LED. His friend has my number too so there is no excuse this time. What is his deal? Should I call him again? It's been three days since I left a message for him. I am completely confused!!!!! Should I call again or should I call his friend and see what's up?
We make a habit of going to the same bar every Friday which he now knows. Should I stay home this week? What are the chances he will just show up again with a lame excuse and how should I react? Do I have a right to be upset or am I looking way into this?

Good luck!!!
Hon, he is moving away very soon - why waste your time on him for that reason alone? Even if he was staying, he's not worth all your angst. Don't change your regular Friday night outing - why would you let his behavior prevent you from enjoying yourself? If you happen to see him, be polite but completely disinterested and spend the time socializing with your friends. If he tries to give you an excuse for not calling, just cut him short and tell him there is no need to explain because you simply don't care, and mean what you say. He'll get the message that he blew it as well he should.
I always considered myself a good judge of character as well as pretty smart in "reading the signs" but he either is a really good actor or I am just looking for a little romance - too hard!
Anyway, I am going to stop dwelling on it and just hold my head up high should I run into him and not even let him see that he got to me!
Thanks for all your good advice - I really appreciate it :o)
My situation is under "help- I have a broken, broken heart" in the same message board if you want to see my situation.
I am torn between showing him that I am peeled about the lack of courtesy (returning my call) and pretending that he just doesn't matter enough to worry about him not returning my call!!
I don't know - I think I pretty much decided not to go tomorrow - make myself unavailable- if he calls me Saturday, I will know that he counted on seeing me out Friday. Which will show that he wanted to casually hook up again without making the effort to take me out on a date.
If he does not call Saturday, he is history... Rationally I know I shouldn't question him about not calling but my emotional side wants me to let him know how rude his behavior is!
The simple matter of fact here is If a man wants to talk to you/ see you he will call. It's hard, I know I am trying to focus on not wanting to become a desperate stalker :o)
What is the answer? If you do not mention his lack of courtesy, he will think that it is OK to treat you that way. If you do, you run the danger of looking like you are all in love with him & desperate??? Which as we all know is a major turn off! Hmmmm...
I have another situation with his friend, I am pretty sure his friend (actually more an acquaintance per him) is going to call my friend or me to check out what we'll be doing this weekend. What do I say to him? Should I question him about "my guy"? Pretend that I am not really interested - I have no clue??
I always use this analogy to keep myself from calling a guy obsessively- "why prod a dead dog when it's already dead?" In lighter terms, it simply means that you can't force someone to feel what they don't feel.
Coco26917, just to answer your questions about my situation, I met this older guy (15 yrs older than me) 3 weeks ago and was surprised that he called me to set up a date a few days later. We went on 2 amazing dates after that and yes, became intimate. In fact, our chemistry was completely magnetic! He was so sweet and would call me every other day to catch up and find out how my day was going. I usually have "rules" about being intimate with guys right away, but we had such an unbelievable chemistry that we both couldn't resist. Then suddenly, we went through our phone tag nightmare last weekend and that was the end of it. He never called me again. I spent Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday in a haze of sadness. I haven't felt this depressed in a VERY long time so it hit me especially hard.
Last night I was flipping through one of those dating books that I have tucked away secretly in the back of my closet(!) and it read something like this:
"There are times when the relationship takes off and then suddenly one of you decides not to call for no apparent reason. If it was him who stopped calling, take comfort that it was not anything that you did or did not do....some men already have in their minds how far they want to take things and account for how much they can give at the present time."
I am feeling much better these days and each day I feel a little more stronger about myself. I can't do anything more to control the situation and furthermore, I don't know if I WANT to do anything about it. You are TOTALLY right- if he calls, then I'll feel like I should bring it up because it bothered me and he should know that I don't take this kind of disregard from anybody. But if I do mention it, I also don't want him to think that I'm overly sensitive and not the light-hearted, easy-going gal that he dated. Anybody else's 2cents?