Should I call or wait for him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Should I call or wait for him?
14
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 3:12pm
Well. I met a man last weekend (Sat.) at a b-day party for a friend of mine. I noticed him early on, as being very attracted to him. as the night went on, we got to talking. pretty much about everything. family, health, travel, jobs, age (I'm 30, he's 32). Anyway - people began to leave the party, and we were having a good time. I invited him to go with me to a bar where my friend is the bartender. we sat at that bar together, playing bar dice, drinking cocktails and having fun conversation.

Of course we were both a little tipsy. He lives in a town approx. 30 minutes away and I suggested and invited him to crash at my place since he shouldn't drive home, and a cab may ot pricey. I'd just drive him to his car in the morning.

So we went back to my place, talked and laughed and drank water. and kissed...a lot! I had such a good time hanging with this guy. I said he's welcome to sleep on my pullout couch, or whatever, well, needless to say, he slept in my bed, with me. he in his boxers, me in my t-shirt and undies.

nothing happened other then a bit more kissing and cuddling.

I awoke around 9 am to get water and gave him some. We slept about an hour longer somewhat close. When we woke up again around 10 we kissed, talked and laughed about all kinds of things in my bed, until 11:30! including what we would do on our first date.

my headache began to get bad and I hinted that it's time I drive him to his car.

So, I dropped him off, we exchanged numbers, never making actual plans. we parted with a kiss and that's it!

that was Sunday morning.

So - I am interested in seeing this fella again, but he hasn't called. I know it's only thursday afternoon - but how much time to I give it, and should I call him first? I haven't been in this situation in so long!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 4:58pm
If he was interested and was going to call anyway your calling might give him the impression that you're deseparate or want sex - and his interest might either fade or turn to a sex-based fling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 5:29pm
Actually Deena I called my husband first, before we'd met in person, on a spur of the moment whim (looked him up in the phone book). He was thrilled, we set a time and place for our first date, and today have a very happy, healthy marriage.

I don't think you can categorically say that if a woman calls a man it won't work out and/or it will lead to sex and nothing more. Maybe I misunderstood you, but that's what your post seemed to say to me. That's sort of silly IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 5:35pm
The "gentlemen" don't get drunk, barely know you, and agree to sleep in the same bed with you.

He's not shy, he's not "in a dilemma"...he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, based on the offers/situations at hand.

I'd say if you want to call him - fine. I'm all abot it. But before you call - have a clear idea of what you want out of this....because hanging out with someone that has potential for a relationship by your estimation - that has already "slept" wtih you wearing next to nothing while drunk after you just met......I just don't think he's looking to "date" anybody.

HAng out and hook up - yes. And you're propposing to hang out and see hwere this goes...and I have a suspicion I know where he'll want it to go and try to get it to go. And that somewhere is not "a relationship."

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 8:13pm
Nope - if you read carefully you would see that I said most of the time and that it is usually not effective. And, I do watch odds and take risks, just not unnecessary risks. In fact, what I wrote was

your calling might give him the impression that you're desperate" - might - not defintely

I am so glad it worked out for you and your husband and my guess is that it is different to call someone you'd never met, who doesn't even have the chance to develop interest as opposed to calling a man you invited into your bed the first night you met him, who hasn't called you since. I have written to men on the internet first and I call them because I don't want to give my phone number out, and when it comes to the internet I might on the phone call express interest in meeting in person if the conversation is dragging but if I meet someone in person I will not call him first or ask him out and I won't ask a man out on a second or third date or really not until we're dating steadily - with some exceptions - if we've gone out several times and I am offered tickets to something I might call and ask him to join me.


Edited 2/12/2004 8:14:59 PM ET by deena33

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