should i care??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
should i care??
2
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 8:00pm
We started dating about 4 months ago and him and his ex had broken up about 3 months before that. They met at a wedding and immedietly got serious and from talking to him I could tell he was just smitten by her. I know he had liked her a lot and during their short (3 months) relationship the went to NYC together and he took her home for his brothers wedding. They have not talked since they broke up and he doesnt say anything unless we talk about ex's. I have asked him about her before and he said he thought he wanted to marry her but now he says he looks back and thinks, no, never. If and when she is ever brought up he never fails to mention that she is a beauty queen, which is kind of annoying. We have started to get a little more serious and I know he cares about me a lot, he is great to me and even says he is falling in love with me. When we met we gradually progressed into a relationship and took things slow. Its been almost 5 months and we have not met eachothers families and I keep comparing our relationship to his old one. But for some reason I feel jealous that what him and his ex had was so immediate. Why was it not like that when he met me? Last weekend I was at his place and I found one of their pictures, he didnt say anything because I was looking at his pictures and didnt really seem to think anything of it. But last night we were talking abou famous people that we thought were attractive. All of the women he said had blue eyes and dark hair and pretty much resembled his ex. Am I not his ideal girlfriend? Am i just being paranoid? I know he cares about ME, but I cant seem to stop thinking of them. I always worry that if she was to call he might fall back in. Should I worry or am I just being dumb?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 8:13pm
"Should I worry or am I just being dumb?"

Frankly and I don't mean to be harsh but you're being dumb.

You are two unique people in a unique relationship that can never be repeated. Stop asking questions about the ex. Stop trying to find burried negatives. Stop analyzing his past preferrences. Recognize that he has made the CHOICE to be with you. We can not go back and change history so stop worrying about it and accept your place today and for the future.

You can CHOOSE to focus on the positives. Please do so if you want this relationship to grow. When a man has to repeatedly deal with past negatives with his current girlfriend it takes away from our current and future emotional & romantic energy that we want to give to you TODAY and in the future. Don't judge your relationship based on some other people's progress. Create and live your own if you want real love and a real relationship.

You are 100% responsible for creating your part of the relationship. If you focus on the past or on negatives then you are not living up to your responsibility.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:30pm
Though I would say your boyfriend isnt winning any awards in the sensitivity department, the bottom line is this:
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