Should I care about his ex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Should I care about his ex?
2
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 9:12pm
My boyfriend of almost 9 months recently admitted he still masturbates to one of his exes on occasion. While their relationship was really short, and he wasn't happy with it emotionally (she slept with another guy, was unbalanced) he still thinks she was really good in bed. He says he has absolutely no desire to be with her, or any of his exes, says he loves me, and that he cares for me more than the others. I know he doesn't have romantic feelings for her, but should I be worried about the lust? I really don't know what to make of it, and can't help being upset. I try to talk to him about it, and I'm just not sure that he understands the problem, as to him she's not even close to competition. He swears (and I believe him) that he never thinks about her when we're in bed together, but this still bothers me. Am I being unreasonable, or what should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 11:08pm

Hon, your guy masturbates and fantasizes to the image of his EX, BUT he's with you. It's normal to fantasize about another man or woman to achieve more pleasure or to orgasm during sex. There are people who are married and fantasize about Angelina Jolei or Vin Diesel. That doesn't mean that they want to be with them. My EX masturbated to Leah Remini for God sakes.

Your guy seems sincere. I wouldn't talk to him about it again. It's not his problem, it's yours because you're the one bothered by it. He cannot help it if he wants to masturbate to her image. You should look into getting pass this OR your sex life will suffer.

t wouldn't hurt to looki into spicing up more your sex life, not to compete with his EX, but to please your man and yourself more. Try some sexy outfits or new positions. It's possible that if you can be a better lover then he'll masturbate to your image OR even look for you more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 8:38am

Men separate lust and feelings alot more easily than women do but it's definitely not info he should have shared, perhaps if you compare it to how he might feel if you confessed fantasizing about a man in your past he'll understand your feelings

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