Should I chase this one???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Should I chase this one???
8
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 12:45am

I have a small dilemma and I'm looking for some advice. I met this really great woman at work and we seem to be hitting it off really well. I've worked pretty closely with her for a few days now and it's almost like we've known each other for years. The chemistry between us is great. But of course, she has a boyfriend.

In this situation....I would usually be patient and wait to see what happens in the long run. But just to add a wrinkle into things, she's a brand new employee and has already been told that she is only going to be working with us for a short time before they transfer her to another office after the holidays.

When she first mentioned her boyfriend, I crossed her off my list and figured I should just let her go. But now that we've been getting along so well, I'm not sure if that's the right decision. I feel like at the very least I should give her my phone number and E-mail address. I'm sure she would accept the gesture, but who knows if she would really use it.

The other option is to actually invite her to something specific. But what would it be? And how could I do that without making it sound like I'm asking her out on a date? And would that even be a good idea considering she told me she has a boyfriend?

I'm just really confused. The fact that she has a boyfriend is an obvious red flag. But everything else about her screams don't let this one get away. Our chemistry is great. We tease each other and sometimes carry on like we really are dating. So who knows? Maybe her boyfriend is just some dope that she's really not happy with. Or maybe I'm just setting myself up for another disappointment.

Any ideas?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 1:01am
Who knows, maybe she is the one maybe not. I think the best way would be to give your phone number and e-mail ( just in case). You cannot ask her on a date because you KNOW she has a boyfriend. Try to become a friends with her. You could invite her to a party or something but than you have to invite her boyfriend as well. If you can handle it....Maybe it's an option.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 12:01pm
Does she talk about her boyfriend like she's in love or like she just "blah" about him. How would you say her feelings are toward's him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 12:22pm

Hey Dave,


I'm a big believer in - If you do nothing, you will get nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 9:23pm

Thanks for the ideas.....She doesn't talk about her boyfriend that much, but the one thing she did say doesn't look good for me. She mentioned that his birthday is 4 days before Christmas so she has to do double the shopping. I'd say that shows she's pretty much interested in him for now.

The lunch idea is good but not very practical because even though we work in an office, we do alot of traveling at the spur of the moment. That's kind of how we've gotten to know each other....by taking long car rides together while we're working. We've already had plenty of time to talk about our hobbies and personal intrests, so it's not like I can save those questions for a lunch date.

My gut tells me to offer her my phone number and E-mail address. I'll tell her to call me if she wants to hang out sometime. I think I can let her know that I'm interested without really saying so. Maybe I'll tell her that I "understand her situation" if she can't or something like that. Who knows? Maybe she'll be flattered enough to take me up on it and we can really become friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 10:08pm
so what you are saying that once she leaves the office, you won't see her anymore? You won't get to "travel" to her office? I mean you won't be able to email each other for work related stuff or dial her extension for something regarding work...still keeping in touch that way until you see if you a chance?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 11:28pm

Unfortunately, once she leaves my office, there will be no reason for me to contact her for work related issues. It's hard to explain but it's true. I suppose there is a possibility that she could remain in my building but work in another unit, so if that happens, I could always walk over to say hi or something, but that would pretty much be it.

I will only see her for a couple of days between now and her final transfer in January. So I really need to say something before she leaves. Otherwise I run the risk of losing track of her for good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 12-17-2004 - 12:27am

I think you should play the friend angle. Ask her for her email because you have a really funny joke you want to send her, and then find that really funny joke.

If you bare your soul and tell her your feelings, she may just shoot you down since she is with someone. But you also don't want to be waiting in the wings for things not to work out.

What do you do? You tell her that you think she's a great girl and you've had a lot of fun getting to know her, and hope to continue a friendship with her when she leaves the office.

Good luck,
Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
Fri, 12-17-2004 - 1:36am
Tell her she's a sweet girl & you'd like to remain in contact. If she agrees, you probably have an in. "Attached" girls hardly ever make new friends with a guy, when they are serious with their boyfriends.