Should I continue with this guy or not

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Should I continue with this guy or not
13
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 10:27am
I've been with Jimmy for a year and a half from the beginning of our relationship he started putting profiles in dating sites on the web. Well either he underestimates my intelligence or he doesn't care if caught. He wanted to expand to threesomes, two girls one guy, and I absolutely refused. I wanted very much to please him in the bedroom and out and if he'd really pushed I'd have probably done it and then hated him for it. Well to make a long story short he hardly touches the computer anymore. Then I caught him using his cell phone, I had hooked up for him ,to call date lines. He swears on his daughters life that he NEVER talked to anyone. We, well all in my name, close on a house in 1 week. I'm terrified that he'll get tired of getting caught and take min and my childrens home away or make it a living hell because he can't out smart me and "play the field" HELP I'M SCARED TO DEATH AND VERY CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 10:52am

Hello kimik8!!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 11:06am
Dear cl-tgowens,

Thank you for your honesty. Can you suggest how to get the trust back. I really think we have what it takes for the long haul, but, he has placed the seed of doubt and I do have low self esteem sometimes. Other times I'm so cofident in myself I'm cocky. Any advice is very much appreciated and considered for trial. Thanks Again

kimik8
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 11:17am
First of all you have to understand that trust is earned... it can be destroyed but it can be rebuilt... it isn't easy.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 11:29am
Dear cl,

Your honesty and common sense,where I should have it at 40 yrs.old,. The hole thing sounds appropriate but I've also co-signed on a car way back in the beginning and now if I don't make sure the payment is made they can,as of next week,put a lien on my home. I know hind sight is 20-20. I've got a very big case of the woulda,shoulda,couldas. I am seeking legal advice and using the nievity(sp)he thinks I have to my advantage. Believe that!! Thanks so much and as before your opinion has not fallen on deaf ears.

kimik8
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 11:35am
If you have to use all this energy to make sure he isn't pulling a fast one on you, is the relationship really worth saving? It seems that he has been displaying this behavior from the beginning--so what is the relationship really built on?

It sounds to me (and I could be wrong) that you're more afraid of being alone and not having a role model for your kids (though it doesn't sound like he's a good one).

Get your legal matters straightened out, do not let him sign that lease and make sure he can't come after you legally... And then I would sit down and make a list of what this relationship does for you, both good and bad. I have a feeling you're going to be struggling to write down the good things... When that list is complete, really consider if this is a long-haul type of guy. My intuition is telling me he's not.

Hope this helps. Keep us posted.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 11:37am
Well... we all learn from our experiences... as they say, hindsight is 20/20... it is also the same "they" who said that "love is blind"... you just didn't see this coming...

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 11:41am
"...then I would sit down and make a list of what this relationship does for you, both good and bad..."

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 11:48am
Dear bklynchik,

I really appreciate your honesty with me and my situation. However, I'm not affraid to be alone at all. As a matter of fact the thought sounds real good sometimes. I just can't help but feel that running now would be premature as he is making sure ,since the phone thing ,that I know where he is and what he's doing 24-7. And I'm not so young that I have blinders on. I see that he really is sorry and time will tell. I will come out of this with all MY assets in tact and I surely am not getting in ANY deeper finances with him. The house is legally in my name ONLY. Thank you for your honest opinion and like I've said to cl-, It hasn't fallen on deaf ears.

kimik8
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 12:23pm
Do not get involved in any legal arrangements with this man. Clearly he cannot be trusted. Also, if you were enough for him he would not be asking for threesomes or looking into dating sites or telephone love lines. You really need to leave him behind. Invest the time you are currently using monitoring him and making sure he's toeing the line to more productive endeavors focusing on yourself and your children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 12:43pm
Dear mdm,

Thank you for your honesty. I do have my eyes wide open and I have to orchesrate my way out of this mess so I/we(my kids and I) don't lose more than a little dignity. Thanks again. I wish you the best in your situation too.

kimik8

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