should i continue w/ him?

Avatar for connie2111
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
should i continue w/ him?
3
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 2:38pm
ive met this guy online through eharmoney service and have been dating him for two months. Things have been going pretty good. We are sleeping with each other already. However, one thing thats still in our way is his "ex". He just ended his 5 year relationship with his ex and one major problem is she is suing him for half of his house because her name is under the deed. For the first month we were cool and eveything was pretty dandy. Up until he recieved a letter from the other party stating to have an amount to buy off her signature in the deed.

One time when we were sleeping together, i asked him for a hug. When he woke up the next morning, he stated that at this time he is unable to give me what i want. I told him I totally understand and that i wouldnt want a commitment from you until his "ex" situation is done. Of course, deep inside, i felt really bad, a point where i wanted to break it off. I even told him if he wanted space, i can give it to him, but he stated "what space? I dont need it". other times, he would go on and tell me he feels guilty for me going through all of this because he is not emotional ready.

My question is,,its been two months already. He is cool as hell, but unable to give me what i want now. He said that after its over, then we can get this relationship more serious, but in the meantime, he cant. I know he likes me and all, but is it true that if a guy has so much in his mind, he wouldnt give the girl some affection? I feel so distance this past week because his problems are really getting us because the other party(attorney) has not given a reponse to him yet...

After that happened, i felt that he is more and more distant from me. he doenst hold my hand, doesnt hug me etc..i mean i dont have to official commit to him yet, but at least give me some love...Is that too hard for a guy to do? Or am i just being selfish?

Please help!!!!!!!!











Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 3:08pm
If a serious, committed relationship is what you are looking for, then you're with the wrong guy, at least for the time being. I would break things off and ask him to call you when he's resolved the situation for good and taken some time off (was there any gap between the 5 year relationship and starting to see you? If not, that's not a good thing.).

In the meantime, you need to behave as though there is no chance that things are going to work out for the two of you and move on. Perhaps he will come back, but you can't count on it.

If you continue to see him, you are going to get more and more emotionally involved and you will be devastated when it ends and/or when he is unable to make a commitment to you because of his unresolved issues.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 3:10pm
while i sympathsize with your situation and you bceause it hurts no matter how you get rejceted... re read what you just wrote.

your guy is getting sued by his ex! sued. have you ever been sued? I'm pretty sure it shake you up good.

Give him a break, please. Stop looking at the small/petty things like the affection YOU need for assurance right now.

Give him space, listen to what hes telling yOU (he cant give you what you want) because its true. Hes got too much on his plate to handle dating. if he were in a place or the type to be able to date and work through this sue senario, then great. But hes not. respect that. And move on. Although I realize its not that easy or black/white. You really need to back off, way off.

My two cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 3:15pm
You should talk to him and tell him how you feel. Maybe you can come to an agreement. I think that you shouldn't be involed in the situation with his "ex", exspecially if you are not in a serious relationship. Have fun with eachother and leave your troubles outside your relationship. If talking to him doesn't work and the relationship isn't fun anymore then why stay?


Edited 4/13/2004 3:22 pm ET ET by butterflies82885