Should I date a man who is separated??

Avatar for bensand
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Should I date a man who is separated??
5
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 9:27pm
Hi,

I would really like some advice and opinions.I met a guy online and we've been chatting for a couple of months. His wife left him in February and they are legally separated. I have always considered a man who is separated to be off limits , because I feel that unless he's divorced, then he isn't 100% free. This guy seems very kind, sweet, and down to earth and he is someone who I think might be a match for me. However, I have huge reservations about meeting him.He seems to be over his wife and wants to move on, but the fact remains that he is still only separated. Any advice about whether or not I should meet him ?? I don't know what to do....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 11:43pm
Why isn't he divorced yet? Does he keep in close touch with his wife? Personally, I would NOT become involved with a man unless he was divorced. He is still connected legally to another woman. That's what you'll be to him for a while, another woman. He's not technically free to date. If he's worth it, he'll look you up and suggest a date when he's not married. If you lose contact then I guess you know it was never meant to be. Stick to your guns. I think you know you're worth the wait and that you deserve someone who is the man of your dreams. Don't settle for anything less. Best of luck!
Avatar for bensand
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 9:38pm
Thanks for your opinion and kind words... I appreciate it :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 9:41pm
Absolutely not. This guy is seperated, not divorced. Therefore, at any moment his wife or he could decide that they really messed up and want to get back together. The fact that he's not fully divorcing her yet is a strong indicator of a lot of things. Moreover, if he's not ready to or hasn't found the way to divorce her yet, whether they are legally "separated" or not, he shouldn't even be dating other women. It's still in some sense the equivilant of cheating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 11:00pm
His wife left him in February...so what's holding up the divorce? Tell him to call you when the divorce is finalized. Play it safe and keep to your standards.
Avatar for bensand
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 11:26pm
Hi,

Thanks for the post. I really don't think he would be cheating ! I live in Canada, and the law with his divorce ( non-contested) is that they can't divorce until a year after the separation. Otherwise I'm quite sure he would be divorced already. His wife left him after she cheated on him twice - once with a man, and once with a woman - and is now dating another woman ! He doesn't want her back and just wants to move on. I want to meet him, but until he's totally free..... I just don't know that it's a good idea. On the other hand, am I worrying too much? We've never met ....maybe we won't even hit it off and I worried for nothing. Should I just meet him once and see how it goes? I don't feel that he would ever go back to her. It's just the baggage and the emotional part of it.Anyway, thanks for your opinion :)