Should I end my 6yr. relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Should I end my 6yr. relationship?
3
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 10:47am
I'll try to summerize this as best as possible.

I met my current boyfriend when I was 18 (I am now 24) I dated him throughout 4 years of college, and we moved in together after a year and half of dating - we have been living together for like 5 years now. Before dating him, I only had one other boyfriend, (I was 16yrs old and it lasted about 2 years)

Since we've been living together for 5 years, we have raised 2 dogs together that are like our children. We have a great aprtment and we get along perfectly. I always assumed that i would marry him because we are so compatible, everyone is in awe of our relationship. however, for the past year or so, our sex life has been tapering off to where now it is almost non-exsistent. the problem is more with me - i have absolutly no desire at all for any sex or any kind of physical touching at all. we hardly kiss, or anything... its like living with your best friend who happens to be male, and you share a bed. I am not even desiring other guys, i just feel bored with the relationship and its gotten to the point where i am considering moving out and on with my life.

the problem is: will i ever find anyone as compatible to me as he is? is this worth leaving my great apt and 2 'children' (dogs) and i know he will be absolutly crushed if I do because he still thinks we are getting married and says "when we have kids" but now i think... do i want to spend the rest of my life being bored and never enjoying sex? what do i do? im totally torn here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 11:15am
There a are a couple of things that I see that might be going on. I'm only 33, but from the sounds of things I've have more experience with relationships. First you met your boyfriend when you were very young, 18. Did you have any relationships prior to him? Was your boyfriend your first love? You say that everything with your relationship is perfect except that you have no sex drive at all (even for other men) and that you are bored. First, it's unusual for someone yor age to have no sex drive. I would consider going to see your doctor about that before you make any drastic life changes that you may regret down the road. If you said you had no sex drive for your boyfriend only, then I'd say that maybe it is time to move on. But, no sex drive period, says that there might be something else going on. Are you bored in every aspect of the relationship, does he actually "bore" you. If you are still in love with him, definitely sit down and talk with him. Don't leave him in the dark about this. He deserves to know what's going on with you. Definitely don't go out and see if the 'grass is greener on the other side". That would just make things worse. You are uncertain about spending the rest of your life with your him. It's possible that you are just in a rut and need to change your routine a bit. This is a tough situation because it sounds like you have very strong feelings for your boyfriend. Talk to him before you do anything you might regret later. Be open and honest. Maybe he's feeling some of the same things you are. Even if it hurts him, he will respest your honesty. Tell him that you don't want to hurt him, tell how much you care about him, but there are some feelings going on inside of you that you need to figure out. Good luck. I don't know if I helped or not. Please, don't forget to go to the doctor, get things checked out. Are you on birth control pills? I just read something about people on birth control pills may experience low sex drive. Just a thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 11:34am
Yes, you will find someone that is as compatible than this man. I feel that you are disrespecting both yourself and the relationship right now by settling. What you're doing right now is a lot of damage to you both. I mean, don't you think he's wondering if he's ever going to turn you on again? What do you think that must be like? How great of an actress do you think you are that he doesn't know how you're feeling inside? On some level, the man knows things aren't right. It sounds very much like your relationship is over, but you're scared to move on. It's harder to recognize that it's over when you're not screaming at each other and in extreme pain.

Try on his shoes: do you want him to stay because of a great apartment and some dogs? Or do you want him to be in the relationship because you're the one? If the guy knew it was about the apartment and because you were scared of life, do you think he would stay??
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:49am
The first thing I would try and figure out is why the loss of libido?
Lilypie Baby Days