Should I even go there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Should I even go there?
3
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 8:58am

Hey y'all!
I met this great guy last night! My girlfriend and I went to this place that's part bar, part club, part lounge. We're both 28 (well, I'll be 28 on June 6th) and we prefer to go to places with a mature crowd, not the kind of places where 18 year olds are likely to go! Well, this place is a perfect mix of 30 somethings and up...
Anywho, we were there eating and feeling a bit out of place at first. Though many guys were staring, smiling, winking and such, no one was offering to buy us a drink or anything (well, a few guys did grab my arm...I wasn't interested). So, while was sat and talked at our table, I noticed a guy waving at us through the window (we were sitting outside, he was inside). He motioned for us to come in and so he and his friend could buy us a drink...we did, and we had a WONDERFUL time. His friend was the guy I sat next to, and we talked and danced. He was very attractive...
He said to me..."I have to be honest with you...I'd really like to take you out on a real date, spend time with you, but I'm seperated from my wife. My seperation will be legal on June 9th....I was like, "whoa.." Do I want to date a man who isn't divorced? I've been in a similar situation, and I didn't even try then. I just let it go. This guy also has a son and is 39, 11 years my senior (this isn't so bad, because I usually date older men...always have). I would like to get to know the guy...he was so attentive last night, like I was the only woman there...I felt special. However, I'm not sure if I should. I don't want to develop feelings only to be hurt, ya know?

What do y'all think?




Edited 5/26/2007 9:07 am ET by mali2579
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 10:26am

Do you mind dating someone who has a child? Reason is...the child will come first and your special events and occasions where you may want him around or to accompany you somewhere will come second to his child's needs.

It is nice to know that he was honest with you about his marital situation.

Inevitably we all get hurt the minute we start feeling something for someone. My first husband once told me, that with love comes pain. And there is no way around that. So, you can date him or anyone...and eventually you will feel pain for some reason, whether or not he intended to hurt you.

Generally speaking though, he is on the rebound, so caution is always advised. But, if you don't mind being less of a priority than his child, and you could handle the thought that he could reconcile with his wife, or being the rebound girl, then go for it. It seems these days that men are going back to their ex girlfriends waaayyy too often now, so you could encounter that with someone who is not legally separating, as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 11:55am

mali2579...

Not that it matters, but Pianoguy is a "mature man" who has been divorced for more than 5 years! So there's no REBOUND ROMANCE present in PG's life!

But getting back to your question...let the man's divorce become finalized and give him a few months to be "a free agent" and experience dating again! If he approaches you again sometime in November or during the yuletide holidays...and you're looking for a nifty Christmas gift...DATE HIM!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 2:29pm

Hey there!

I'm a 20-something single, too, and am pretty familiar with this dilemma. Sometimes I wish for the days of the early 20s when no one I was dating had been married previously or had any children since that can complicate matters. At any rate, I'd give this guy a little bit of time. Without knowing the personal details of his marriage and impending divorce, it would be hard to say what's going on on the inside. Taking that into consideration, I'd take the full risk into account. That is, as the others have said, that if you proceed, do so with caution because his divorce is not yet final and after it is, there will be an adjustment period and single parenthood issues to sort out.

Sounds like you and your friend found a cool spot, though.:)

Holly